Enjoy my sadness
When it dawns upon you the fact that nobody actually cares that nobody actually loves you. That literally nothing will be okay. That your life will be filled with constant yelling and pain. The pain being from you and others. The wounds that you so desperately inflict upon yourself in memory of the life you once had versus what you have as of now. Looking down at yourself and thinking how did I come to be this way. When did it come to this. It was all so good. And then how others including your family constantly bring you down cuz you don't fit society's standards. What the heck? Society. Fuck society right? No no you cant do that. You need a home. You need parents who supposedly love and care for you. You need friends who supposedly love and care for you. You need them. But they don't need you. They don't love you. They don't give a fuck about you. But you carry on with your day with a fake smile plastered on your face. Like a band aid covering the pain underneath. Except that "smile" doesn't help anything. Going home and greeting your mom and dad and sis with the same smile easily fooling them with the impression that you are happy. But the dark thoughts running through your mind are only released at night when your curled up in your bed sobbing into your pillow or stuffed animal or blanket or bed sheet trying to scream at your mind to leave you alone. But it doesnt leave you alone it stays there taunting you with lies or truths cuz at this point you don't know what to believe and what to disbelieve.
"Man I tried. I did. I promise. It was too strong. I'm sorry."
"I care. I promise."
"I love you. I promise."
"I'm not going to leave you. I promise."
"I don't want to loose (someone like) you."
"You're not a bother. I promise."
"You're not annoying. I promise."
"I need you. I promise."
"You're amazing and wonderful and beautiful. I promise."
"You are wanted. I promise."
"I
Love
You
So
Much.
I
Promise."
Lies.
Piece of my life for you guys.
Umm and if you read this...
I miss you.
Come back please.
I'm sorry.
