Forgetting Mr Suplado

Chapter 44

Steph's POV

Ilang araw na ang nakakalipas matapos ang kasal nina Trixie at Nicco. Iyon na rin ang huling beses na nakita at nakausap ko si Ivan. Almost two and a half weeks ago. Hanggang ngayon  ay iniisip ko pa rin ang mga sinabi niya sakin. He sounded like he's saying goodbye to me. Hindi ko tuloy mapanatag ang isipan ko. Is he okay? Alam kong dapat hindi ko na ito nararamdaman pero nag aalala ako kay Ivan. Hindi ko maiwasan dahil kahit anong mangyari , parte pa rin ng buhay ko si Ivan.

"Mukhang malalim ang iniisip mo ah."

"Ikaw pala,Vanessa."

Pumasok si Vanessa sa loob ng kwarto  ko at naupo sa may kama. Masaya akong makita si Vanessa ngayon thinking that she wouldn't let her past meddle with our friendship. She looks happy, I guess.

"Napadalaw lang ako. Mabuti na lang pinapasok ako ng maid niyo.  Nakasalubong ko din ang parents mo. Seems like you're thinking about something deep. What is it?"

"Can I be honest with you?" Sabi ko kasabay ng pagbuntong hininga.

"Of course! Kaibigan mo din kaya ako." Masiglang sabi niya.

"It's about Ivan." I said.

"What's the problem? May nangyari ba sa inyo?" Tanong niya.

"Wala naman. Hindi ko lang talaga makalimutan yung mga sinabi niya nung gabing iyon. You know, at the reception."

"It's because you still love him, it's too obvious. Kaya ka nagkakaganyan ngayon kasi mahalaga pa din siya sayo. That,my dear, is called love."

Love?

Aaminin ko mahal ko pa nga si Ivan. Kagaya ng sinabi ko sa kanya dati, hindi ito mawawala. Kahit na anong gawin ko, kahit anong galit ko sa kanya, at the end of the day, I still love him. Pero kasi hindi na kami pwedeng magkasama katulad ng dati. Marami ang tutol sa relasyon na meron kami kahit noon pa man. Kaya kahit mahal namin ang isa't isa ay parang hindi pa rin pwede.

"Earth to Stephanie." Natigil ako sa pag iisip ko nang magsalita si Vanessa.

"May naisip lang ako bigla."

"Bakit hindi na lang kasi kayo maging masaya? Don't let them dictate you both."

"Mahirap kasi ang sitwsyon namin,Vanessa. Whenever we try to be happy, there is always someone who doesn't feel the same. Maybe we aren't meant to be with each other's arms,after all."

"That's life,Steph. You can't be happy all the time but that shouldn't stop you from loving each other. Those kind of people will never let you guys be happy but who cares about them,anyway? Just be in love with each other."

Parang hindi ko yata kayang gawin iyon. Be happy while hurting someone? I just can't. Ivan and I tried. God knows how much we tried to fight pero kasi parang laging mali. Parang laging hindi pwede. Being with him makes me insanely happy but until when? Kaya ko ba talagang ipaglaban yung kung anong meron kami?

"I don't know what to do anymore,Vanessa. Mahihirapan lang kami kapag pinilit namin ang relasyon na meron kami."

Silence starts to fill in the room. Vanessa has a point but I'm scared of what's going to happen if we continue this. What if my parents won't agree with this just like before? What if Kyle gets hurt again? What if my friends end up being apart because of me again? I don't know what to do now,honestly. I lost track of my thoughts. Then Vanessa decided to break the silence.

"You know what,Steph? I know it's hard for the both of you to fight but can you endure the pain of seeing him with someone else? And that someone will make him happy while you, can't do anything but to be happy for them. Can you handle that? Lumaban ka,Steph. Ivan does it all the time,Steph. He can face anything just to be with you and I wish you'll the same thing for him. He loves you so much,isn't too obvious for you? It's hard,yes. Scary,yes but it'll be worth it. The love you both have for one another is worth it. Help him win the battle,Stephanie."

----

The conversation I had with Vanessa yesterday was an eye opener,I guess. She made me realize that things doesn't always work the way we wanted, but if it makes you happy then go for it.

Kasalukuyan akong nakaharap sa laptop ko,trying to be productive as I can. The things Vanessa told me yesterday got my mind running and running. Sobra akong naguguluhan ngayon. I started to question myself, am I being selfish? All this time, I've been hurt and tried to do the same with Ivan without even knowing his reasons. Sinisi ko na agad siya ng hindi man lang siya tinanong kahit minsan. I didn't give him a chance to explain his side. Naging makasarili ako dahil pilit kong pinaniwala ang sarili ko na ako lang ang nasaktan at ang patuloy na nasasaktan sa aming dalawa.

I tend to blame him for all the pain he caused me without knowing why he did that. I would told myself that, he deserves all of this because he injected pain inside of me, na karma niya yung mga nararanasan niya ngayon. I'm so selfish for letting him fight alone, all this time.

I need to talk to Ivan. I need to apologize for hurting him so bad. I need to tell him that I will not leave his side this time. I'm fighting with him. I'll be with him through thick and thin. I have to talk to him!

Mabilis akong tumayo at lumabas ng kwarto. I didn't even bother to change my clothes, to hell with pajamas and baggy shirt! Who cares,anyway?

Pagdating ko sa baba ay naabutan ko sina Mom at Dad na nag uusap ng seryoso. I'm glad to see them here at the house everyday. I guess their retirement led them back to being my parents again. After so many years, naging magulang na ulit sila sakin. I'm happy. But I need to do things now and this couldn't wait longer.

"Steph,anak, can we talk to you?" Pigil sakin ni Dad.

"Dad,ah, I have something to do. Mamaya na lang po kaya?"

"No,Anak, you have to know the truth. Masyado ng matagal ang lihim na ito."  Bakit biglang naging seryoso si Dad?

"Dad,please,mamaya na lang po---"

"This is about you and Ivan. The real reason behind your breakup."

W-what? Anong totoo?