Nobody Forgets Bill Cipher

Never Regret It

     "Before I tell you this, you must realize that my henchmaniac 8-Ball is bad at predicting the future. He's only right about twenty percent of the time. Also, my henchmaniacs are liars, so this may not even be an outcome of the future," I explain to Yule.
"I understand," he replies seriously. "Please continue."
I take a deep breath. "In my dreamscape, I was visited by my henchmaniacs, as you know. And- Wait." I suddenly remember something very important. "What happened to you last night?" I ask in a frenzy.
Yule frowns, though I can't tell what he's thinking. "I'll tell you after this. Don't worry. It can wait."
I nod and reluctantly continue. "You know that Amorphous Shape can change into any form, and that 8-Ball can badly read the future.
"Well, my henchmaniacs claimed he read my future, and Amorphous Shape morphed into that very future." I pause, regaining my composure. "As you can guess, you were a major part of it. Mabel was sitting next to you, a gash down her face, pleading with me for help. Lying next to her... was you. You- You..." I gulp and look away. "You were dying."
I look back at his face. The color has drained from it, leaving him looking almost ghost-like. "Are you okay?" I ask softly.
"Y-Yeah," he stutters, trying to give me a reassuring smile, but it turns out looking much more like a grimace. "Go on."
"Your midsection," I continue, my chest tightening in dread, "was all torn up and heavily bleeding. Like, awfully. People don't just recover from that." I run my fingers through my hair in stress. "You were shaking so terribly. You looked so afraid. I've never seen you like that before, and I hope I never will." I look helplessly at him. "You couldn't speak to me; only Mabel did. You were coughing up blood in agonizing fits."
     "And?" he asks quietly, his tight voice sounding so foreign from his own. He's gripping the bottom of his shirt.
     "That was all. I promise," I swear, fingering the chain around my neck nervously. I glance back over at him, concerned. "Are you sure you're all right?"
     "Yes, yeah, fine," he mumbles, though I can obviously see that he's not. Kind of awkwardly, I take his hand in mine to reassure him, only to find that it's trembling, he's trembling.
     "Yule." He doesn't look at me. "Yule." I say more forcefully. He looks over at me with panic-filled eyes. "You said you understood what I told you before. What I told you about my henchmaniacs, about 8-Ball. You can't let them get to you. No matter what. And remember, you said it yourself: we won't let any of that happen. We won't, okay?"
     "And... what if it does?" Yule wonders aloud worriedly. "What about my mom, my brother? They can't go through that! They've gone through enough loss already." His breath hitches. "What will happen to them? What will happen to you? And everyone else?"
"I already told you, nothing's going to happen!" I end up raising my voice, which was definitely the wrong choice. Yule curls up and puts his head between his knees, his arms wrapped around his legs. It's just like him, my kindhearted best friend, to worry about those close to him more than himself. His back shakes as he sobs, and I feel my heart breaking.
     There's nothing that would be right for me to say, and nothing that I can say other than, "I'm so sorry, Yule."
     I then do something I've never done before to Yule. I've hugged Mabel before, but this is different than that. I care about Yule in a different way, but a just as important way. He needs to know that I'm here for him, just like he's always here for me. I sit in front of him and put my arms around his hunched form.
     His cries come to a sudden halt for a moment, and he doesn't stay in his folded position for long. He pushes himself up on his knees, holds his arms close to himself, and falls into my chest, more sobs beginning to rack his body.
For a long while, I don't speak, nor does he. When his sniffles quiet, I remind him of something. "Yule, whatever does happen, remember that even in the vision, I was there with you. Whatever happens, I'm going to be by your side. We'll fight our battles and stand by each other, no matter what.
"Whatever happens, I'm sorry I caused all this. I'm so, so sorry. This is my mess, and I wish you all weren't wrapped in it. It isn't fair to any of you and now all of our lives are in danger."
"Bill," Yule finally says, sitting up and away from me. His eyes are still red and swollen. "I tell you over and over and I'm still going to tell this to you again." He looks me square in the eye. "I made a choice to stay friends with you, even when you told me who you are, and what you had done. I know you've changed into a really great person, Bill. I couldn't ask more from you other to stay my best friend. But after all that, it hurts to know that you regret me being associated with you, even if it's dangerous for me, because I have no regrets at all. I know you think what you're saying is right, but to me, it isn't. Can't you just accept that I want to be your friend?"
I stare in a state of shock. Have I really come across that way? That I regret our friendship? Even if it is because I'm afraid of him getting hurt? "You know I never meant it that way."
"Then say it," he orders me. "Say it to my face and never forget it. Tell me that we'll be friends and you'll never regret it."
"I can't say that," I say, a bit dejected. "You know I'll regret everything if it causes you to get hurt."
"But even if I lose my life," he begins, "how much more life would I have lost if I had never met you? Do you know what I mean?"
That simple, yet powerful statement grows a small smile on my face. "Yeah." I really do get it. I now wonder if any other friendships have ever been as great as this one.