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"The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it..."
• • •
Namjoon sighed. He can't focus. His genius brain is not working properly today. He can't pay any attention to all his classes today. Not a single note has been taken and he needs to do his own revision for today syllabus. But that is not something to be concerned with. He'll manage it somehow.
Today, he had tripped himself three times. In front of his dorm, in the class and on his way to the library. He got scrapped palm on the third fall when he tried to stabilize his awkward lanky body before he fell on the library stairs, grazing his palm on the rough ground. It stings like hell but he chooses to ignore the pain and heading to the library as he intended on the first place.
Namjoon sat on the corner at the end of the library, among the bookshelves with stretching legs which is hidden from another student. He took out his textbook on philosophy, flipped directly to the page on today's lecture and started reading. His eyes trailing on each word and sentence but none of it being securely input in his brain. Namjoon huffed in disappointment, closed the book harshly and put it back on his backpack.
Namjoon takes a look on his left palm that still aching and throbbing. There was bloodstain that almost dried and Namjoon tears started to accumulate in his eyelids. Why does he need to be Namjoon the super clumsy? How come he makes himself like a clown in front of everyone?
Most of the student in his department knows about him being the clumsiest dumbass and everytime he tripped himself everyone will look at him and laugh. No one ever steps out and give a hand to help him. Is that so funny?
When Jaehyuk purposely stuck out his feet and make him fall in the class everyone was laughing, blaming his clumsiness. Can't they saw what had the big bully done to him? Why everyone tries to make fun at him? He hates himself for being such a fool. He hates himself for being such a pity dork.
Namjoon brought his knees to the chest, hugging it and slammed his face on the knuckles and started to sobs. Maybe this is the reason why Seokjin getting bored with him. Maybe this is the reason why Seokjin started to drift away from him. He can't stop thinking to himself how their one-year relationship had been changed so much these past few weeks. It was obvious that Seokjin and he hadn't been going out together anymore.
Namjoon tried to understand, to justify the loopholes. Seokjin is in his final year. He was busy with his classes, assignments and the stage play. He was busy attending the rehearsal, days and nights that he barely had the time for Namjoon. He was super duper busy with the hectic schedules and Namjoon tries to console his longing for his boyfriend saying that it is okay.
