✔︎ | Part of Me (Trilogy)

1 | accepting change

1 | accepting change

I have moved on

It's funny how things can change in such a short period of time: how you and your twin brother can be graduating high school one month, and eight months later, he has twins of his own; how your rapist ex boyfriend can go from being accused of rape to being Florida State Football's star player; or how you can go from being so deeply, and madly in love with someone, give them all your trust, and expect them to protect you, to forming a deep, bitter hatred for them, even though you completely understand why they had to abandon you. 

Change isn't easy, but you learn to accept it. 

It's been over two years since I've seen Axel (not that I've been brooding over him this entire time). After he left 2 Augusts ago, without even so little as a goodbye, I at least expected he'd visit. His sister still lives here. 

But he hasn't. I was surprised to hear that he wasn't coming home for Christmas the first year either. His excuse was that he was too busy with work and volunteering, and he couldn't afford to travel, even when my parents offered to pay. He missed summer break too, and from the pictures that I demanded Will show me, I saw that he went backpacking across Europe. He sure could afford that, apparently. 

Will's been angry with him, having to deal with my pouting (which did not last long). I got over Axel the second he got a buzzcut and grew a fucking beard. 

"Liar," Tasha said to me when I told her. "He looks like a hot criminal." 

I pretended to puke. I never asked Will to show me pictures again; my feelings were still quite obvious, although I'd never admit it. 

For his second Christmas away, Axel emailed Will plane tickets to Seattle. He was too occupied to come down to Cali, (I called him a pussy for that, because it's the truth, not because I was still as bitter as that fucking black coffee he likes to drink). Or because he only sent two tickets: one for Jem, and one for Will. Zero for Aviana. I got that message loud and clear. 

It's December now. I've given up on figuring out whether or not Axel is ever going to come back, and it doesn't matter: I have moved on. 

I'm taking care of Will's little darlings — Lily and Leah — while Sam is doing a book tour for her new novel and Will is at work. He's dropped out university and now owns Dave's Auto Repair, so he's there most of the time when he's not looking after his daughters. 

The weather is quite cool out in December. It's the last day before Christmas break begins, and I dress the girls in matching coats and boots to go meet their daddy at work for their doctor's appointment. 

They're super giggly; they look more like sam, with thick brown hair, but they're like Will in every other way possible: they laugh like him, they copy his silly faces, and their first words both were Dada. 

"Take my hands," I tell them when we lock up the house; Will and the girls still live at home with our parents until Sam gets back, and then they plan on getting their own place. 

The girls place their little hands in mine and we walk slowly down the sidewalk as they chatter non stop, half of their words undefinable. I laugh at them. I am happy where I am. Two years ago, I wasn't sure I'd ever get over Axel leaving me. But now, I realize it was for the best. I'm focused on school, I volunteer at the hospital Mom works at, I still have my best friends, and now two nieces, and my new boyfriend of three months, Dylan. 

I'll be honest, the first three boyfriends I had after Axel were rebounds, and they knew it too, especially the last one, because Axel's name slipped my lips one time we had sex. It was the last time we had sex. It was also the last time I saw him.

But Dylan is different. We go to the same school, and he's two years ahead, which is how we met: he was my tutor. He's a very sweet guy, and not the Tanner kind of sweet: kind at first, reels you in, and then once you've given him your trust, he tries to rape you at a party. No, Dylan is a genuine human being, and he drinks tea, which is important, obviously. 

I can't say that I'm in love with Dylan, but being in a normal relationship for once feels so right. And I've been with him three months. I'm sure once we spend more time together, and get to know each other better, I will come to love him. I already see a future with him; we'll both be doctors, and have two kids, one boy, and one girl, and hopefully a cat. I think Dylan can picture it too. 

My parents like Dylan a lot as well. Dad always says that he's a very nice guy. Sometimes, the way he says it sounds like it's an insult, but Mom says that's just Dad for you.

The girls all like Dylan too, even Jem. He'll come over sometimes if Will isn't home and read to them, like Axel read to Jem. The first time he did that, I was almost angry. He was taking Axel's place, but then again, he already had when we started dating, and I liked having him as a boyfriend, and a friend to the girls. I still do. I always will.

"We see Dylan?" Little Leah asks me when we approach the garage, with Lily in my arms, already having given up on walking much further. The girls are a lot like Will and I were: Leah learned to walk first, and speak first, which she does much more than Lily, like Will did with me when we were almost two.

"No, hunny," I tell her, letting Lily down and holding both their hands so they don't run away and get into trouble when we go inside the open garage door. "We're here to find Daddy," I explain, "he's taking you to Doctor Thea." 

Lily pouts and mumbles something in baby language. She doesn't like the doctor, is what I get from that. 

Will seems busy when we find him speaking to a man at his back office, but the girls don't care. They scream Dada when they see him, and tug their hands from grip and waddle over to my brother. He breaks conversation instantly and a big smile forms on his face when he sees his girls, and squats down to swoop them up into his strong arms. 

"Wow, I literally spend all day with them but they want their Dada," I laugh, walking after them. 

Will blushes a little, glancing up at the man he was speaking to, and I stop instantly, even before he turns around, but it's too late to bolt and hope he doesn't see me, or to not have to see him again. 

His eyes meet mine and they're everything they weren't the first time we met, and mixed with adoration, and fear, and guilt, and I don't even try to break my gaze, because I know I can't. I'm too in shock. I'm unprepared for this moment. I imagined it for so long, imagined what I'd look like, what he'd look like, what I'd say, what I'd do, how I'd react, but I forget everything. 

All I can do is stare, and Will shifts behind him uncomfortably, not knowing what's about to go down. 

The man finally nods, and sighs. "Aviana," he greets. 

I swallow hard. "Axel," I breathe, surprised that I still can.

・・・

yooo

dude just shows up without warning wtf

but yay book 3 has started <3