✔︎ | Part of Me (Trilogy)

43 | done denying

Ahh! Two more chapters before book 1 is over! 

43 | done denying

"like you"

Will says he doesn't mind sleeping with Axel. Axel seems rather annoyed by his answer, because knowing Will, he also moves around a lot in his sleep. I wouldn't be surprised if he's cuddled into Axel's shoulder before too. We come to the conclusion that Will will take my bed, and I will sleep with Axel. 

Not! That's never happening again. 

"I'll take the downstairs couch," I mumble, brushing my teeth. 

"You sure you don't wanna sleep with Axel?" Will teases, a little smirk on his lips as he stands behind me, brushing his teeth too. 

I frown. Did Axel tell him something? My blushing face gives it away. I'm not sure what it is, but Will seems to know because he chuckles to himself and comes to the sink, spits, and leaves the washroom like he found out one of my biggest secrets. Douche. All I have to do is ignore him. 

When I stumble out into the dark hallway, I almost bump into Axel, coming to the washroom. 

I bite my lip awkwardly and step out of his way, and he does too, and we end up still facing each other. He's also not wearing a t-shirt for some goddamn reason, and I stare at the floor, my nerves going berserk. Oh, how I hate to admit to myself that I just want to touch him again, feel his hot skin under my palms. 

So I reach out and shove him lightly, mumbling, "I'm going downstairs." 

He backs away a little, lifting his hand to grab mine. "You sure you don't want the bed? I can take the couch." 

I glance up into his big, beautiful eyes and shake my head. "Hmm mm." 

He lets go of my hand and leans in, tugging lightly on my hair. "Don't dream about me," he whispers, his lips twitching into a grin.

"Good night," I mutter and turn away before he can see my expression. 

Why does he do this to me? 

I crawl onto the couch and snuggle beneath the blankets, Axel's face flashing behind my closed eyes. 

He's supposed to be angry with me! He's supposed to hate me, and ignore me, and not so easily forgive what I said to him. But he acts as if we have a thing. We do not have a thing! I kissed him once - okay twice, - but I'm with Tanner, still, and —

Why do I still want to touch him? 

Why does he make me so nervous? 

I stare at the ceiling and hardly get any sleep. 

・・・

The printer wakes me up. Minutes later Axel and Will are coming downstairs for breakfast, Axel's assignment in his hand. I glance at the boys through exhausted eyes and they smile at me. 

"Wake up, sleepyhead!" Will booms joyfully. He had to be a morning person. 

Axel isn't as jolly. I swear I almost see a slight eye roll when Will walks into the kitchen. 

Axel has to grab his bag from the living room, so he squats down across from me, tucking his paper into a binder. "Sleep well?" He asks. His morning voice is hoarse and low and it sends shivers through my body. I'm up now, that's for sure.

I sit up and nod. 

He grins, gazing at me - me in my pjs, my hair a mess, drool probably dripping from my mouth, and I'm completely uncomfortable so I rush upstairs. 

He has to stop looking at me like that before I lose my mind. 

Mom has gone to work, and Dad and Jemmy and Mars are sleeping in. 

By the time I get downstairs, Will has left for football practice, and I meet Axel in the kitchen. 

He glances up from his phone, and I look away before I can see him looking at me. I can still feel his eyes clinging to me when I make a tea, my back facing him. I just want to turn around and ask him why he keeps looking at me. Look at something else, for Pete's sake! I also want to slap that adorable little smile off of his face. 

I turn back to wander out of the kitchen and he's grinning at something on his phone. 

He notices me and holds it out, showing me a video of a puppy trying to sing. 

I can't hold back a giggle, and almost spill my tea. "Okay, that's kind of adorable." 

He nods in agreement and mumbles, "like you," when I keep walking. 

My heartbeat speeds up. What the freak is happening? I'm not even creeped out by his sudden flirtatiousness. I'm flattered. I'm absolutely flattered that he finds me cute. I want him to tell me that again. I want him to tell me all of the things he likes about me. I want to tell him everything I like about him. 

I sit on the arm of the couch and text Tanner. We need to talk. 

I can't keep this up. It isn't fair. I have never felt the way I feel around Axel with Tanner. 

I'm done denying it. 

・・・

"Babe, don't do this," are the first words that fall out of Tanner's mouth when he sees me at the beginning of lunch. 

I haven't even said anything yet, but he knows what's coming. "I'm not doing anything," I touch his arm. "I just need some time to think, to be alone. I can't be in a relationship right now." I also need to figure out why Axel is driving my hormones insane, other than the obvious: he's gorgeous, he's funny, he's amazing, and I like him. There, I said it. Obviously not aloud. Tanner would go on a rampage.

He doesn't fight me on it. 

But his face is completely heartbreaking. I can't believe I did this. But I don't say anything else, just smile awkwardly, and go to meet Miss Awr in homeroom. 

She's there, biting into an apple, a chair set out for me in her desk already. 

"Hey," she smiles when I walk in, and take a seat. "I actually have to go deal with something," she sets a stack of papers in front of me, "so if you want to start editing, we have a lot to do." 

She seems jittery. When she's out of the room, I assume it's because she purposefully placed Axel's paper on the top for me to read. It doesn't say whether or not he cares if Miss Awr gets a peer editor, and I pick it up. 

I shake my head quickly and shove it underneath the rest of the papers. I can't just read his memoir. It's something private, and I wouldn't want him picking mine up and reading it. It's personal. I shouldn't even consider reading his. But, as I go through another students paper, I keep eyeing Axel's at the bottom of the pile. 

Don't do it. 

But I can't help myself. I glance outside of the room, and nobody is near the classroom. I pull out Axel's paper and hold onto the red pen as if what I really care about is his grammatical errors. 

I feel a sense of guilt creep into my stomach, but that doesn't stop me from reading it.

It's titled Her.