46-Jeongchan : Feel

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Title: Feel

Ship: Jeongchan

(Warning : does include mentions of depression, anxiety, and self harm.)












Think? Was that the right word to use?

No.

How about, feel? Yes, that was it.

Jeongin felt like everyone hated him.

Simply being ignored or shut down by someone could easily trigger this feeling. He felt a little shellfish for being like this.

But he had anxiety.

It was scary.

And slowly, he became depressed, too.

His friend group consisted of Jisung, Jaemin, Chenle, Jeno, and Donghyuck. They were nice.

But they ignored him a lot. They left him out of events, as well. When he asked to hang out with them.

"We already have plans, sorry, Jeongin."

Later on he found out they had made plans with each other.

But not him.

He did not feel left out. That was not the case.

He just did not feel loved. Feel needed.

He stopped going to the usual meeting after school at the cafe, after the the third time they left him out of an event.

It was in a span of two months, so it was not too bad.

But once they happened, he never forgot.

Jeongin arrived home, setting his things down when his phone went off. Jaemin was calling him.

He picked it up, answering it.

"Hello?"

"Hey, where are you?" Jaemin asked.

"Home." Jeongin answered.

"Why aren't you at the cafe with us? We didn't cancel anything, Jeongin." Jaemin said, sounding a little concern.

"I have plans in a few minutes. So I couldn't come." Jeongin lied.

"Oh. Why didn't you tell us at school?"

"They asked when I was on my way to the cafe." Jeongin continued to lie. How was going to keep this lie going?

"Okay. Who you hanging out with?"

Jeongin stopped to think for a moment.

What about his childhood friend, Seungmin? He would not mind hanging out, right? It has been awhile since they last spoke.

"His name is Seungmin." Jeongin answered, putting his phone on speaker to look through his contacts. He knew he still had his number saved somewhere. "He's a childhood friend."

"So you picked him over us?"

"Been awhile. I wanted to catch up with him." Jeongin said as he tapped on Seungmin's contact and started typing.

Me:
Hey. It's been awhile and I was wondering if you wanted to hang out today? To catch up?

"Okay, then. Will you be at the cafe tomorrow?"

"I don't know. Probably." Jeongin said. But he was mentally thinking no to the question when he saw the speech bubble pop on his screen. Seungmin was typing.

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