Twisted - Tangled Limbs Sequel (Shannon Leto Fanfiction)

Chapter 29

(Trigger Warnings:  Language and Sexual Content.)

(Shannon's POV)

Jared and I executed the meet and greet despite the tension between us. Emma was all but avoiding me except for an occasional disgusted glance. Other than Jared, no one had a clue what Monique meant to me nor could they without knowing my past. Jared made his position clear when he failed to truly acknowledge my feelings, and I felt stranded on a remote island with no sympathetic ear for miles. I desperately needed to talk to someone who genuinely knew me and whom I could trust. Trying to explain my feelings to anyone else seemed an arduous task and I wasn't willing to risk disappointment if spilling my guts resulted in a failure to be understood, let alone validated.

Monique was the epitome of my dream girl back then. She wasn't just amazingly beautiful, sexy as hell and smart, she had a sophistication I wasn't familiar with up until then. Her defiant side was much like mine however, and together we made a formidable force. I had no hesitation stepping up when I found out she was pregnant. I truly wanted to be there for her and my child even though reckless abandon prevailed at that time in my life. Had it been anyone other than Monique I likely would have run the other way, but she was 'the one' and everyone else paled in comparison. It wasn't until much later that I realized how complicated being there would have been to achieve had I been given the opportunity. I didn't have the ways or means of providing for them and knew neither love nor good intentions rarely conquered all.

I needed to talk to Monique and find out how she'd fared through childbirth and life in general. I wanted to know if she'd seen our baby or knew whether it was a boy or a girl before the adoption. I had so many questions and likely this was my one and only opportunity to find out things I'd wondered about for years. Undeniably I wanted Monique again, but I had Missi now and my intention wasn't to destroy our relationship in the process of reacquainting myself with Monique. I'd waited too long for someone like Missi to come along, but having both of them in such close proximity made me wonder if I could deny either of them anything. Missi had given me her heart and I wasn't willing to play fast and loose with it. This was going to be one hell of a test of willpower, cunning or both. The past was staring at the future and it was scaring the hell out of me.

When I saw Missi and Brittany after the meet and greet they seemed fine. I had guilt pangs when Missi threw her arms around me and I couldn't bring myself to kiss her. It didn't feel right. There was no indication Brittany saw what happened earlier and knowing her that would have resulted in more than a few disgusted looks like Emma.

We all had dinner together and when it was time to get ready to go onstage I was overly anxious to get it over with. I was fairly sure Missi could tell something was off when we were alone in my dressing room. I told her there were times when I couldn't shake my nervousness until I was out there drumming, which wasn't too far from the truth. Missi would be side stage and Monique would likely be in the opposite direction depending on where she was sitting. My safest bet would be keeping my eyes on Jared, my head in the game and not let my eyes wander too much.

Once Jared and I were limbered up and in 'the zone', I charged on stage. I felt more at ease having donned the Shanimal persona and pounding out my anxiety and frustration. Every time I glanced at Missi she was beaming. I could tell she was totally into it, but it saddened me to think what she'd look like once she knew about Monique.

I'd sworn to myself countless times I'd never screw things up if I ever got a second chance with Missi, yet here I was considering putting our love to the test. I'd already received a low grade after losing my head and kissing Monique, but there was no way I could forego seeing her after the concert. Hopefully I'd be able to limit my pursuit to a fact-finding mission only.