The Wheel

41. Kate

I know what I'm going to talk about. It's a good thing I had time to mentally prepare for it. So, I will just tell them what they need and get the hell off this freaking chair. While my seat was turning to the opposite side I put my right leg over the left one and feel like a queen, sitting on the iron throne like in 'Game of thrones'. Why not? These thoughts made me feel a little better.

"Do you like lying, Ms. Lims?" asked Ayama.

"I love it a lot. I lie all the time! I lie to Chris he is my first, I lie to Emma that I like her haircut and style, when, in fact, I think that this cutie forgot that it's 2018, not 1950. However, she helps me studying so I get what I want."

Emma looked at me angrily and then slapped herself in the face. She's so funny!

"I like to lie to my professors to get higher grades..." my confession was going on. "Oh, Mr. Stirell, my mom is ill! I was really getting ready for the lecture, but I had to get her to the hospital because she's in a wheelchair! Please, forgive me!" my voice was a little dramatic and trembling.

"Kate!" said Veronica in shock. "It's too much even for you!"

"Oh, does it surprise you?" I smiled widely. "Wow! Well, Mr. Stirell is ninety-five – he doesn't even know what Twitter is, so I doubt he'll check my profiles in the Internet."

"And who do you lie most of all, Ms. Lims?" Ayama asked me.

"I was looking forward to this question! To myself, of course!"

"Are you ready to tell us about your biggest lie?"

It's a good thing I don't give a crap.

"Yes, I'm ready! I'm not Kate Lims!" I shouted happily.

"The guys were confused. They have mysterious expressions on their faces - I like it!

"Angelica?" my friend asked.

I slowly nodded, smiling.

"You know what?" I said to my group mates. "To hell with all this whining! Whining about the diarrhea in the pool, about hard life in Mexico, about your brother harassing you or how do you call it? I'm not playing by these rules, understood?!"

"We're not trying to make you cry, Ms. Lims," Ayama explained, "we just want to hear your story."

"Okay, no problem, you can even call my parents or whatever you've planned for me...maybe you want to put up this 'interactive show' like in Mike's case with the rest of the guys. How do I know? I was born in a relatively normal family; my parents are alive and kicking, haven't been killed by anyone."

Miguel looked at me ferociously. Damn it! 'Bitchy Kate' is back again.

"I'm sorry, Miguel, I didn't mean it," I said seriously.

"You're a bad person!" he shouted.

"Keep going, Ms. Lims," Ayama said to me.

"Okay," I went back to my story, "I had a twin-sister, her name was Angelica. I mean I'm Angelica, who had a sister named Kate. You how she was even in the childhood? A total bitch. The bitchiest person ever! Despite the fact we were brought up in the same conditions. And you know what the worst thing was? Our parents loved her more! Kate was born quite fast, but it took a lot of time and pain for my mother to give birth to me. Perhaps that's the reason?"

"You could make yourself believe it was true," Sam said.

"Oh, are you an expert in my life to make that kind of guesses?" I asked grumbledly.

Sam was lost in thought and got quiet.

"So," I continued, "Kate was a center of attention: she was a party girl, she was a whore and she was cool – and I was waiting for that one guy that I would spend my life with. It's funny, isn't it? It was Emma style! It feels so weird to remember it. I was a straight-A student, but my parents didn't care. They didn't give a shit about my victories, achievements. I'll tell you more: I helped everyone who asked for help. Everyone! I gave money, not asking to get it back; I did my friends' homework for them; I did a lot of good, but absolutely pointless things. Sometime later it hit me that everybody was just using me. So why... why do I have to do something good for people if they don't give a crap?"

"Because you do it with love!" Emma declared.

I shook my head and shrugged in skepticism.

"Love. I already forgot that word. What is love? I just wonder. I'm done fighting for some delusional goal: studying, growing as a person, 'loving'," I said the last word factitiously. "But you know, I lie with love! I love it so much!"

"It's impossible!" Emma said. "You do it out of fear!"

"I don't know, silly Emmy. It's like you're living in a world where love and kindness will save the world, or where ponies feed on the rainbow and poop butterflies, you're just like Miguel, but for our jollier it's a way to shut down the violence of this world and terrible memories. And what about you? You believe god will open the gates of the heaven in front of you for your good deeds? Just imagine: you have lived a long live, helping everyone, and now you're ninety and you understand it's time for you to die. People were using you, but where are they now? They most likely forgot about your existence! All of your help and goodness was for nothing. How will you feel? You think you'll get to heaven without putting the good and the bad things you've done on the scale? I, personally, believe in reincarnation. Yeah, your bitchy Kate believes in that kind of stuff," I smiled slightly. "But I think the next life doesn't depend on the good and the bad things we've done: everything we've done till this moment was destined for us to do – yes, I believe in fate. So after death we go into another body that is picked out for us randomly. Nonsense? Perhaps! But believing in that, I'm not afraid anymore that I will be burning in a hell fire somewhere 'there' – that is nonsense for me. It seems to me that life is going the way it should be going – you just need to accept it and do whatever you want."

Emma and the others started thinking about my ideology.

"You can believe whatever you want, Angelica," Emma said.

"Don't call me that!" I shouted. "Angelica is dead!"

"Sorry," she said quietly.

"How did it happen, Ms. Lims?" Ayama asked.

"Suddenly," my voice became calmer. "There was a car accident. Well, I was driving; Kate was next to me, listening to music. At some point she saw her ex-boyfriend in a car next to ours and that moron flipped her off. Kate wanted to throw something at him, but because of a sudden turn she moved the gearbox – we bumped into the tree. I woke up sometime later and saw that a branch of the tree got through my sister's skull. Her death was quick. How did I feel at that moment? Definitely shocked. In spite of that I envied her; I felt like a significant part of me was cut off by a chainsaw."

"What happened next?" asked Chris.

"I thought it was a sign: her clothes didn't get dirty, she was wearing something casual, so was I. We had the same haircuts that day, however Kate was planning on going to the hairdresser's the next day. Isn't it too many coincidences? It's like it had been planned all along! It went just like it had to. Before the police and the ambulance arrived I changed our clothes, driver's licenses and other stuff, but most importantly I traded lives with her. That's how Kate died, but then got back to life, but killed Angelica. And then I decided that I was done being a good girl! I was sick of it! I had to stop letting people using me! I stopped holding grudges I'd been carrying for years! It was enough! You know how happy I was when my parents were kissing me and hugging me, when they found out that Kate was the one who survived? It was the best day of my life! Sure, they were mourning over Angelica, but it didn't last long. I was surprised they bought it that I was Kate. Maybe they felt that something was wrong? It doesn't matter now. Everybody's happy. Well, there is a reason for everything that happens in life. Since then I do what I want, say what I want and never regret anything."

The room got quiet. I wonder if they prepared a surprise for me.

All of a sudden my hands got unshackled.

"You are free, Ms. Lims," Ayama said.

"Super!" I happily lifted my ass from the chair.