The Wheel

79. Veronica

I found a way to put up with the thought that the one who called himself Sam is now out of my life for good. I wonder what made him do that. Was it of his own will? I would like to know that.

When I took the subway I used to see just a crowd, but now I see...people. They have their own goals, dreams, desires, fears, quirks, problems. I didn't use to have that kind of thoughts in my head before, and now when I get acquainted with someone I wonder what's happening in their life. Those thoughts started in the university during the lectures or in the cafeteria; in a gym, when I do yoga; in the shop when I stand in a queue. It's such an unusual feeling!

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night: I dream about the cubical room, the wheel, Chris shooting me in the head. When I wake up I get a feeling that something was wrong in that room. Sure, in that room everything was wrong, but I still have the feeling that I missed something. It goes without saying, that all the attempts to dig up something on DarkHOLEnet led to nowhere: I came across only web sites about dark holes. Googling the words 'Paradox', 'Doppleganger,' and 'Automaton', I didn't find anything connected to DarkHOLEnet. Why did I do it? Max said clearly and distinctly that there is no sign of this secret corporation on the Internet.

My attempts to know something about Sam also led to nothing: in the administration of the university I was told that they have never heard anything about Sam Virani; they refused to show me the surveillance footage without a warrant from the police; neither the professors nor the students remembered the student with that name – I guess they faked a student's card and that pseudo-Sam only went to the same classes as we did. I also googled Ayama, but got nothing connected to artificial intelligence: this word in Sanskrit means 'extension', and it also takes place in a breathing techniques parayama that helps extend vital life force with the help of conscious breathing – nothing about 'the one who should be trusted' as pseudo-Sam called it.

I tried to think about my dream to open my own coffee house with French bakery and now I have an opportunity to make it come true but my thoughts go back into the room.

I hope one day the memories about that room will fade.