The Wheel

53. Emma

I knew that! Breathe deeply, Emma, and say an inward prayer. God, help me in this moment of hardship. It's a good thing Kate has simmered down and doesn't talk to me: her comments would only make it worse.

"I feel awkward," I almost whisper.

"I understand you, Ms. Wilson," Ayama was trying to calm me down, "but you're going to have to tell us your biggest sexual fantasy. There are a lot of various fetishes in the world: BDSM, police uniform, piercing, underwear and so on – there are some peculiar preferences, for example, some people get turned on by dead bodies, and others get sexually aroused by being tickled. Just think about how many sexual inclinations there are in the world. And how many don't have those? Believe me, at least everyone has some oddities in sexual sphere - you can say that it's the norm. I'm of the opinion, that it's not normal if there are no inclinations. This is so ironic, Ms. Wilson, don't you think?"

"No, I don't think so," I shook my head.

"I remember a year ago there was a married man in this room, who had just become a father. And you know what? He was asexual - he didn't feel ant sexual attraction to anyone."

"Wait a second," Veronica got in the conversation, "We are not the first people in this room?"

"Of course not," said Ayama calmly. "So, if you're interested in that man's story, his parents made him marry one girl, who didn't know that the man wasn't interested in sex at all. He was so depressed, although he looked like a typical happy father and a loving husband on the photos on the Internet."

"I didn't know about people like that," I said. "But aren't there happy and sincere couples?"

"Of course there are," she replied. "But will you look the same at two smiling people with a children's stroller? I just want to broaden your mind, it's just one fact out of million that you didn't know. There are so many little-known things and something that is more important than rare sexual inclinations."

This time there were extracts from the news in different countries on the walls.

"Crisis in Italy and many other countries, suicides of South Korean singers because of unbearable conditions and plenty of rare diseases," Ayama listed, "overpopulation in China, sexual slavery in Turkey, refugees from the third world countries. Politics. Politics. Politics. Politics again. There are so many things are going on in our world that you didn't even know about. For some people happiness is being able to survive another day, and for others it's a tragedy to come across a spoiler from 'Game of thrones'"

"You want us to look form different perspectives at one or another situation? To appreciate what we have?" I asked.

"Something like that," she said. "Well, we need to keep going."

The chair started turning towards the guys – I began blushing and sweating a lot. It's going to be okay, Emma...It's going to be okay.

"Are you ready to reveal 'the dark' side of yourself, Ms. Wilson?" asked Ayama.

Fear made me breathe heavily. Oh, no, Mike will know! Yes, he will know! What's going to happen then?

"No," I shook my head, "I can't. It's terrible!"
Breathe deeply! Do it, Emma, take a deep breath and breathe out! No! Tears start rolling down my cheeks, I can't help it.

"I can't, don't turn that sound on, I'm begging you!"

Breathe, Emma, just breathe! Come on, you can do it! The sooner you do it the faster you'll finish. God, help me, please! I'm asking you for help!

"I think you need help, Ms. Wilson," Ayama said affectionately.

I heard the screens diverging above and my orange leather diary was lowered to me. The mechanism that was shackling me loosened my hands a little, so I could inspect the diary properly and make sure it was really mine. How did they get it?