Yours Truly

lxxxiv. conquer

-X-

Depression, anxiety, and pain.
All three has different meanings,
But for me they are all the same.

I have surpassed the toxic thoughts of my depression.
I have thought of killing myself or suicide,
But not even once did the shiny cold metal pressed against my flesh.
Not even once did I enjoyed lashing my pain through my wrist.
Not even once did I see blood coming out from my untainted epidermis.

I have surpassed the unwavering insecurities of my anxiety.
I have dealt with people every single day,
Withstand the horrors within their souls.
Understood the meanings of emotions in their eyes.
I know some needed help,
some were afraid,
some were lost,
And yet they smile,
But their eyes are telling me otherwise.

I have surpassed the hurtful comments or the wounding statements I have been hearing,
But not even once did I wished for the people that hurted me to experience it also.
Not even once did I say they should take my place.
Sometimes, I have wished I have been more selfish.
But guilt always rises inside of me everytime I say a single thing that sounded so wrong to my ears.

I have surpassed growing up alone,
Not having a family to support my side.
Not having parents or having someone to lean on.
Not having someone I can share my thoughts with.
And yet I have considered the silence as the one who comforted me when no one else was.
I have befriended the unrivaled darkness as it should be lonely empty,
and alone,
Just like me.

I have surpassed the unbearable pain,
The emptiness,
The hollowness,
The numbness of my soul,
in which it feeds on my happiness but eventually became ill due to hunger.

All these obstacles leaded me to where I am now,
An indestructable, a better, a wiser man.
These toxic thoughts may come and go,
But I will remain, forever standing strong.

I have surpassed more than plenty of difficulties in life,
And yet I am still here, alive.
That's when I knew that I survived.

Problems may come but I will only say:
"You are just a tiny star in this massive universe of thoughts that I have sealed within me,
Believe me when I say this,
Just like the others before,
I can and will surely conquer you."

-if I can conquer it, you can too.

-X-