This I Promise

LXI. Farewell

When he finally managed to send his complaining sister home to rest, he turned to (F/N).

"I need to speak with you." Erwin said to her. He looked at Levi, who just took it as an order from him to leave the room and give them privacy. "It's just for awhile, Levi."

"No need to tell me." The Captain muttered dejectedly, then turned away from them and opened the door. "I'll just accompany your sister and the brats home. I'll come back here."

"Thank you, Levi." Erwin said in genuine gratitude, making Levi pause for awhile before finally leaving the room, giving the two of them privacy.

He turned towards (F/N) and gestured with his good hand to the chair beside his bed. "(F/N), please."

(F/N) shyly and nervously sat, still unable to look Erwin in the eye.

For a few tense moments, none were able to utter anything, until the Commander finally broke the silence between the two of them.

"I understand that you have chosen Levi." Erwin whispered, making her look up at him in total surprise. "I mean Captain Ackerman's test."

"No, it's not that! I,... just don't want you to die,..." (F/N) uttered and looked down at her lap where her fingers were fidgeting.

Erwin smiled, knowing full well that she was not lying, but also knowing full well that what she said was not the actual truth, either.

He reached out towards her and lifted her chin gently with a single finger, making her look at him in the eye.

"I understand, (F/N). I truly do." he said, smiling at her.

The sight of him really took a toll on (F/N)'s conscience. In the blink of an eye, she was on his knee, clutching the sheets and sobbing uncontrollably.

"(F/N), stop crying,..." he told her, his hand on her head.

"I never wanted all this! This is all my fault. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry,..."

All of a sudden, (F/N)'s apologies brought a painful memory back to him that he practically grabbed her arm and pulled her close to him. And despite his remaining, complaining limbs, he hugged her tightly, yet gently, not wanting her to leave his side. He kissed her head and let her cry unto his chest, drenching his white shirt with her own tears.

"I realized how foolish I really am." he whispered to her. "Wanting to give you a life you truly deserve while taking advantage of it for the sake of gaining the truth,... I did not only hurt the woman I love, but I also never gained anything worthwhile. I even sacrificed my own comrades for it. And in the end, I lost everything. How foolish I really was."

Erwin sighed and looked down at the head on his chest. He wanted so much to kiss her  and make her his, but he also realized that if there was a chance to come out clean in front of her, no matter the cost, it should be now.

And as he inhaled sharply, he prepared himself to share the only truth that he knew of.

"(F/N), listen to me." he said, making (F/N) look up at him. "I once loved a woman named Marie. Yes, she's the Marie you knew as the wife of my friend, Nile. And I still do, up until today. But, that was actually what I only believed in. I thought that I would forget her by turning to you, but I was wrong. I did not forget her, but my feelings to her were forgotten, because I learned to love you."

(F/N) looked into his eyes, searching for some clues that he was lying, like last time when he proposed to her, but there was none. Only tears, sadness, and most of all, regret.

"I should have known that I have forgotten my blindness towards her a long time ago. I should have realized my feelings towards you from the start. I should've told you a long time ago. Then, we could've avoided all this from the start. My pride as the Commander prevented me from letting you know. My pride was really the one who hurt you, not Levi, not Kenny."