HIM // wolfstar

5 when it started

I want to know him better.

Being in love was much harder than I had ever imagined. Surprise! Life isn't just dancing in flower fields and rainbows in the sky. Though I had always hoped it was.

My crush on Sirius was terrible. He never talked to me. I didn't even know if he was into boys. I would probably never find out. I hoped I could. He looked so perfect and vulnerable. I just want to hug him tight and never let go, but he won't let me.

It was hard to describe what I feel for him, when I look at him I just... feel happier. Like there's a thousand butterflies in my stomach. He made me smile and I didn't even know him. I couldn't even begin to imagine how he would make me feel if we got together.

"You are way too obsessed with him," Peter stated during lunch Friday. I may have been mourning a bit, but he wasn't wrong.

"What if this is the guy for Rem," James said in my defence.

Peter looked around the table, making sure no one was eavesdropping. "There are tons of other guys out there you could date."

"It isn't that easy. I have to get attracted, they have to get attracted. Even then, they have to be accepting of... me."

James and Peter looked at each other, they had never seen me like this. I hadn't really had a crush before either. No guys at the school were out, and I didn't like the thought of dating girls if they didn't know that big part of me.

"Rem," James said quietly. "I know you want him, but you can't let this control you. He has made it very clear that he doesn't want any friends, including you. Maybe he will come around eventually, though I don't think you should push him."

I sighed, "I know, I know. You're right. Yeah, you are right James! I'll give it a break." I smiled. "I think I need a boy's night, to get my mind off him."

They both lightened up. "It's perfect," Peter exclaimed. "Mary is hosting a party tonight, we can all go and hang out together!"

James rolled his eyes, "If you say so Pete, though there's no way you won't go off with a girl." Peter almost pulled an offended expression but realized it was more likely than not. "If you do," he paused dramatically. "Then Rem should be allowed to go off with a special someone too. Provided he shows up." James blinked to me and smirked.

"It's guys night. I won't go after him." Plus, the thought of 'going off' with Sirius the same way Peter always did, made him slightly uncomfortable.

"Argh, come one Rem, a party is a perfect place to get to know him better. Just give him some beer and you'll be great," Peter said.

"It sounds good," I agreed. Though I don't want to know him better under the influence of alcohol. "But he doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who likes to party."

"Maybe he's the kind of guy who stays sober at parties. I cannot stand those types." Peter said the last part with a smug glance towards James.

"Hey!" James exclaimed offended. Both Peter and I laughed.

I never really thought I would be the kind of guy who got hung up on a crush. Turns out I was. Life was full of surprises. Though no one is as full of surprises as Sirius.

.:lll:.

Another party. It was pretty much like the last one, though this one is more 'girly', also hosted by a girl. Firstly, her parents are home which just makes everything super awkward, they are in their bedroom, but it feels like you aren't supposed to be too loud, get too drunk, or snog too much.