HIM // wolfstar

9 when we became friends

Just the thought of him.

I had a dream about him actually. In it, he didn't talk to me, didn't look at me and didn't want to befriend me. Then I realized it wasn't a dream. Then I was sad.

Though it brightened my mood to think about his rising level of confidence and his happy mood last Thursday. It warmed my heart to think of him being happy. It really did. And it did because I cared about him. I cared about him being happy.

But why couldn't I care about someone who cared for me too? Life wasn't fair.

If it wasn't clear before, it should become clearer now. I wanted him, and only him. If he didn't want me, then I would find someone else, but before that, he would be the only person I could think of.

I had gotten the opportunity to help him and I was really glad about that. If I could make him feel better, and make him more skilled at math, then it would be perfect. Like him.

Getting to know him was probably the greatest thing that had ever happened to me. He was so sweet and cute. He was really cute.

As usual, I walked down the hallway to the library after school had ended. Sirius and I had planned to continue practice math. Today I would teach him a bit about BODMAS. He seemed to understand it, but I just wanted to quickly go over it anyway.

A group of people stood just outside the library, though I paid them no mind. After all, students standing outside the library wasn't unusual, but rather students inside were. However, when I came closer, I saw that someone stood in the middle. Specifically Sirius.

The people around him kept talking to him, which seemed harmless. But in the little time, I had known Sirius, I knew him well enough to know when he was uncomfortable and he was at the moment.

"HEY," I yelled. A few glanced at me, but none of them moved. I pulled the student closest to me away, perhaps a bit too harshly. But it worked. I might not have been the fittest or strongest of all people, but I was senior and super tall. No one dared to say anything.

"Get the hell away from him!" I demanded. They shrugged their shoulders and quietly left. I turned around to face Sirius, he had his back to the wall and looked down. "Are you okay?" I put my hand on his shoulder, intending to be comforting.

But I should've asked first. He slapped my hand away "GET OFF ME!" His voice was thick. I was about to apologize, but couldn't utter a word before he was screaming again.

"I don't want you! I don't need you! Get the actual fucking hell away from me!" He screamed. I took a step back. I wasn't sure what to do. If I should even do anything. He grabbed his bag from the floor and ran out of there. Not stopping one moment. Not looking back.

I let him go again.

He didn't show up for a whole week. A whole week, and I felt awful. Even though it hadn't been, I felt like it was my fault somehow, I had only helped him, right?

I hadn't informed James or Peter about the incident. It didn't feel like as if I could, but they had noticed that I had been down. They thought it had been because of the absent of Sirius. Which was part of the reason.

"Look who is here," James whispered to me. I turned around and looked at where James had been looking. Sirius was standing next to the door in the cafeteria, he nervously drew circles on his hand while he looked around. When he saw me, Sirius looked to his left and right and then walked straight up to me. Looking down the whole trip.

When he approached me, he still looked down, though I could see his face. After all, I was sitting down, and he was standing up.

"I... I'm sorry that I yelled at you," he whispered only loud enough for me to hear.