HIM // wolfstar

12 when he regretted

I wish I had used the time better.

Our hug lasted roughly five seconds before Sirius hastily let go. He seemed paler than ever. His gaze landed on the floor, which was suddenly the most interesting thing in the room. He pressed himself as long away from me as he could, but the table was in the way. We were very close. I had no idea why I didn't move.

"Sorry. I didn't... sorry," he stuttered. Sirius still pressed himself away from me. I, however, didn't move. His whole body was tense. Our bodies were only a few centimetres apart.

I stared at his scalp. It wasn't difficult to see his pale skin behind his black hair. I wished I could move to give him some space, but my body didn't seem to respond.

James came to my rescue. "Hi, guys. Padfoot what did you get?" he asked casually. Sirius looked at him. I finally broke out of my trance,  took a step back causing Sirius relaxed visibly, but not fully.

"Uh... I got a C." It was impossible to know whether he was happy about the result or not. James ignored that. 

"Me too." He smiled wryly. "Peter only got a D though. I'm assuming it went a lot better than last time, does that mean Moony is a good tutor?"

"It did. He is." Sirius cast a quick glance at me, but then moved his gaze back to James.

 "Well, I'm gonna catch my next class, see you two at lunch?"

"Yeah, of course." I tried sounding as casual as possible, yet I couldn't even remove my eyes from Sirius. James quietly left the classroom, leaving Sirius and me alone. Sirius hastily put the computer into his bag and practically ran out.

I couldn't let him. The last time he had walked away while upset, I didn't see him for a whole week. Without thinking much I grabbed his hand, preventing him from moving. Though his expression caused me to drop it again like I had been burned.

"Please don't go." I hated to see him upset and needed to help. "Don't worry about the hug. Okay. I don't mind. I'll... We can pretend it didn't happen if you want to!"

"I got to go now..." Sirius murmured, yet made no move to go. He gently held and drew circles on the hand I had been holding only a few moments ago.

"Are you upset? I didn't mean to upset you. I'm sorry if you didn't want to hug, but... but if you are upset you can tell me. We are friends, you can talk to me." I gulped, wishing desperately I had said the right thing.

"It's not your fault," Sirius whispered. "I know... my... I know someone who I can talk to. Don't worry." I sighed with relief. He had someone. Though, still, neither of us moved. "I have to go to class now," he said.

"I'll go with you," I blurted and stood next to him. "Or some of the way."

He nodded slowly, finally letting go of the hand I had held. I suddenly realized I had been holding his hand. For a short moment, but that fact didn't stop a little blush from creeping onto my face. I quickly turned my face away.

Sirius glanced the other way while biting his lip. He hugged himself and began walking, staring stiffly forward. I quickly followed suit.

.:lll:.

"Is he here?" 

James and Peter were already in the cafeteria when I came. I hadn't seen Sirius since math. On the way to our next separate classes, he insisted he had forgotten something and went to get it. I had wanted to come but he pointed out I was already late. He had disappeared after that.

"Haven't seen him since math," Peter said. "What happened with that hug? One moment he looked like the happiest man on earth, yet the next it seemed he was ready to disappear forever."