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sixty-one

Jungkook was sulking. He hated to admit that, because he knew how childish it sounded, but he couldn't deny it. Late in the afternoon, he stood in the small kitchen of his dorm, mindlessly stirring an absurd amount of sugar into his cold coffee. He didn't even typically drink coffee in the afternoons. Unless he was on a date with Taehyung. Which he wasn't right now.

Jungkook dumped another spoonful into his mug.

His mind kept on going back and forth between being absolutely blank, and dwelling on what Taehyung might be doing at this moment. Who knew, maybe after Jungkook had so immaturely and indirectly told his boyfriend to leave him alone, Taehyung would take advantage of this time and spend the rest of the afternoon with Felix. Or doing something else. Or whatever.

Jungkook released a prolonged sigh. Even his thoughts sounded ridiculous to him right now. But somehow, at the same time, he didn't care. Or maybe he did. Maybe he did think he was being immature. A little. But he dismissed that thought, placing it at the very bottom of the pile where he wouldn't have to see it, at least not until he had vented everything on top of it. Such as the fact he was mad at Taehyung. Mad at how enthusiastic Tae was about hanging out with his new friend, jealous about how much fun he already seemed to be having.

And upset.

Perhaps, most of all, Jungkook was just upset. Upset that Tae didn't seem to realize what he was doing at all. How he was making Jungkook feel. Of course Taehyung was allowed to make new friends...with his lively personality, there was no avoiding it. But all Jungkook wanted to know was that Tae still thought of him first.

"Whatever," he muttered to himself, and into his coffee went the sixth spoonful of sugar. He stared at it for a long moment. Down at the still liquid where he could clearly see his reflection. And it just caused a weird feeling in his stomach, because wow, do I look miserable. He groaned and pushed the coffee away from him, all the way towards the back of the counter, and he shut the sugar container and pushed that back, too. "Dramatic." He sighed again. "I'm allowed to be, though. I'm...giving myself that right."

His eyes wandered around the dorm - empty, and oh so boring. Jungkook was extremely bored. But what was he supposed to do? Dance practice? Well, that was an idea, but at the current moment, not such a good one. He was in no mood to dance. Call Tae? Absolutely not. Jungkook was sulking because of Tae. So that wasn't an option. But really, there was nothing else. So reluctantly he reached out and took hold of his coffee mug handle and dragged it back towards him. He looked into the still brown liquid again. And for some odd reason, just then, a thought struck him.

"Was...was this how Tae felt?"

He suddenly recalled that day he had spoken to Moonbin after having ignored him for so long. And how happy and relieved that had made him, and how he had shamelessly and obliviously expressed that happiness and relief to Taehyung. Taehyung, who didn't handle it well at all. Taehyung, who responded by going and getting himself horribly drunk, all because of jealousy and insecurity. Which is exactly what Jungkook was experiencing right now - minus the getting horribly drunk part, of course. It was the same idea. And now it invited guilt into his mind.

Maybe this was stupid. His reaction to all this. If he could just take a different perspective, this was like revenge, except for the fact that it was unintentional and Taehyung was in no way trying to hurt Jungkook.

Great, now I'm mad and conflicted.

"Stupid Taehyung...it's all because I love you so much..."

He lowered himself to sit on the kitchen floor.

"I just...wish he would say something. That's all I'm asking for..."