Love On the Brain (Corey Crawford)

6| Unsure

Corey

Whenever I have a life meeting with Jessica she always insists that we go somewhere else besides her office to talk. She says it feels more personal than her sitting at a desk and me in a chair. She isn't into the whole alpha beta situation that puts you in and she wants us to be somewhere that wasn't so planned out and fake feeling. She wanted us to be somewhere real where our lives happen, and the office just isn't it. Plus Chicago was pretty incredible this time of year with the leaves falling and the temperatures falling. So we decide to sit in the park and talk a little. We watch kids fly kites that danced around in the sky. She had a cup of coffee between her bare hands as she sat next to me with her legs crossed and her drink held on her lap. Her black skirt didn't give her legs much room to move but she seemed pretty comfortable as she vividly watched life pass her by.

I can't deny that she was beautiful, anyone with eyes can see that. But my interest in her wasn't coming from the eyes but the heart. She spoke to me like no one else does, I can feel that she wants to help me. She treats me like I'm human and like I'm important to her and to life. I can't help but be attracted to her. I know I shouldn't be, her relationships with her clients are important to her and I don't want my personal feelings to ruin this really good thing that we have going on, but at the same time I can't help it. I needed her, and even when I didn't need her I still wanted her.

"So what's on tap for today" I finally ask.

"I want to know what makes you so unsure of yourself" she claims.

"What makes you think I'm unsure of myself" she asks and she turns her head to me. She gives me one of those "Are you kidding me" looks that I know all too well. "Do I need to explain how I know it or do you want to save us some time" she asks and I laugh. She can be sassy sometimes and it was the cutest thing ever.

"Alrighty then" I nod, not a lot gets past her so I don't see why this would have. "I guess a lot of it comes with what I do for a living. Being a goalie is like being the fall man for your team. If a puck slips in behind you then it can mess with you for the rest of the game. That one goal can take you out of it and there's no way you can turn back. If you let in a soft goal suddenly you're questioning everything you've ever done up until that point. I mean... it's hard.

Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but you hear people call you soft and weak so many times it starts to weigh on you. You lose one game and people are calling for my head on a platter but if I win six games in a row it's because I have good defense in front of me. It's not even my fault that the puck gets through half the time, but people don't care. My job is to keep pucks out of the net and if I'm not doing that then I'm the bad guy.

I love my job, I really do. But it makes me question myself outside of hockey too. I survive off instinct but sometimes my instinct is wrong and that scares me. That's why when people ask me stuff I don't give a answer right away. I have one in my head but I question if it's the right one then it all kind of spirals downhill from there. I don't want to say the wrong things but I also don't want people to think that I don't know what I'm talking about. I just say or do things I shouldn't sometimes then get labeled as that and it's just not who I am. So I would rather just question everything than for people to look at me as a mistake" I shrug.

"Everything we will ever say and do has consequences. For every action there is a equal and opposite reaction. And not all consequences are bad, there are good consequence like winning the Stanley Cup or making a new friend. But if you spend your life worried about the bad consequences that's all your going to get. If your mind thinks only of the bad then your life will reflect that. There's no result without any work put in. So instead of questioning yourself constantly, have some faith. You've learned so much in your 32 years of life, you have to trust yourself to stop the pucks even if a few soft ones get in. It's going to happen, but the game is far from over and the same goes for life. There's no reason for you to be unsure of anything" she explains.

"I guess I've made the same mistakes so many times before that I don't know what to do differently the next time around. I feel like no matter what I have the same consequences and it's always disappointing" I claim.

"You're going to have to open your eyes and take a long good hard look at yourself. You need to see what I see, and that is a man who is willing to admit weakness and to make his self stronger. Any man who can do that can trust in himself to know what the betterment of his judgment is. Know that mistakes happen and it's only a problem if you don't change. Don't be afraid to make the mistakes then don't be afraid to try and fix them. No baby learns to walk without falling over a few times. The falling makes you stronger, it makes you wiser. And it makes it so that you are sure that even if things go wrong then you can find your way back to the net" she explains.

"You're really good with hockey analogies for someone who's not into hockey" I admit as she sends me a innocent smile.

"It's not that I'm not into it, it's that I'm not familiar" she defends.

"Then why don't you come to a game" I ask.

"No ones asked me" she claims.

"Well now I'm asking you.

Jessica... would you like to come to a Blackhawks game" I ask and she smiles over to me.

"Are you doing this because you feel bad for me" she asks and I laugh.

"No. I'm asking because you want to understand hockey and I want you to come watch me" I admit.

"But I'll still be confused if you're not there explaining it to me" she insists.

"I can get you seats with some of the girls from the football game the other day. They've been asking me about you and would really like to see you again" I insist.

"They were pretty great" she admits.

"They loved you. You have to come" I beg.

"I don't know..." she trails off.

"Pleaaaaaase" I say until I see her start to smile again.

"Alright FINE. I'll come to your game" she giggles and I smile back.

"Good" I say.