Love On the Brain (Corey Crawford)

20| The Best

Jessica

January is a month of thinking ahead. It's a clean slate to the new year where people tell themselves that this is when they are going to change, like for real this time. Some people want to procrastinate less, some want to work out more. Some want to try something new and some want to let go of the old.

But the new year isn't the same for me, for it's a reminder that things can change but there's some things that can't and I have no choice but to leave it all behind. Like my father who on this date took his life. He knows that just because the year has started over we never can. He knows that the change that comes in January never seem to make it to August.

And he knew that the only thing that needs to change in order for us to change is our mind, not the day. We do the same things in January as we did in December expecting different results just because there's a 1 in the month column now. Real change comes when the mind does, only then will we be able to start a diet or cut our hair without regretting it. And unfortunately for me, no matter what I think my dad isn't coming back.

So I pick up some flowers and head to the national veterans art museum in downtown Chicago. I always come here on the anniversary of his death. The art pieces up on my wall in my office are all from here and that's why I was surprised that Corey found the piece that I had been wanting for a while. It fit in nicely with the rest of the stuff that can be found in this museum as it hangs on my wall in the office as well.

After I get in I go to the navy seal section of the gallery and look up. There was a bunch of stuff in here about seals and how incredible they were out in the field. Some of the most in shape people you will ever see in your life. And a lot of them sacrificed their lives for this battalion, for this country. I know my dad would do anything to help his country, he even went as far as to give up his mind.

I set down the flowers next to some other ones from other people who have lost someone they loved to the war. There were far too many like my father who couldn't find what they wanted when they returned home. Who couldn't live knowing the things they knew. No man should have to see and do the things they did, but it happened. And now all I can do is remember him for the amazing man he was when he was here. Or at least what was left of him.

"Hey you" someone says and I turn around. I see my brother standing there with flowers in his hand and I smile big.

"What are you doing here" I whisper.

"I figured I would come see the memorial today. Amanda and the kids are in the city looking at the bean while I come say hi to dad. I kinda figured you would be here" he admits.

"You're the best" I say pulling him into a hug.

"I try to be" he teases.

We sit there for a while just talking and looking at the art. This place was pretty cool with what they do. As a coping mechanism sometimes therapists have the veterans use art to be able to express themselves. A lot of it comes here and you can kind of see what goes through the mind of a veteran. Although these men are free from the country they're a mind prisoner of the wars and this is how they express themselves. And it's not always depressing, sometimes it's beautiful what they're able to create.

And my dad has a piece up in here, I used to come here and stare at it all the time. Now I usually only make it out here on the anniversary of his passing. I put flowers in front of the picture and smile because it was so beautiful.

After a while my phone goes off and I see it was Corey calling. I excuse myself so I could answer it and I disappear into a hallway.

"Hey Corey, what's up" I wonder.