Love On the Brain (Corey Crawford)

31| Gonna Miss You

Jessica

After being in contact with Mariah and her telling me some more about the job opportunity I felt like I didn't have much of a choice. They really wanted me and who am I to stop them from from getting help they need? Imagine if I said no to Corey, what could have happened to him. My job is to help people and that's what I want to do, no matter if it's not where I want to do it at.

So I call Corey over and he easily agrees to come. I think he knows something is up because nothing seems to get past him. After our last meeting the other day we never really had closure and unfortunately it was coming today in a form neither of us wanted to talk about. Eventually he arrives and I welcome him in.

"Do you want a drink" I offer.

"I would rather you just tell me what's wrong so I can stop worrying" he says.

"What makes you think something is wrong" I question.

"Jess..." he trails off and I smile. God, I hate how well he knows me.

"I think I'm going to accept the job in New York, I would leave in a few days then I won't be back until October" I say as he inhales sharply. His big brown eyes stop moving as I stare at him. The silence was deafening as we just look at one another. "Please says something" I beg.

"I think you should go" he whispers.

"Excuse me" I ask and he starts to laugh. He moved in closer to me before grabbing my hand and pulling me into his presence.

"I think you should go to New York and help people like you were meant to do, like you did for me. Imagine if you would have said no to me... how much worse off we would both be. I know that what happened between us is one of a kind. But I also know that they will be better off with you in their lives, there's no way they wouldn't. And as much as it hurts me to have to let you go, to watch the best thing that I've ever had slip through my fingers, I hate thinking that you're not being this amazing person I've come to know" he explains.

"What about us" I ask.

"This is your home, I'll always be here" he says.

"If I stayed, what would that mean to you" I wonder.

"Everything" he smiles and I feel myself start to choke up.

"I was afraid you were gonna say that" I giggle.

"I don't want to be the thing keeping you from doing what you love. You would never ask me to give up hockey for our relationship and I can't ask you to give up what you love for me. I know for a fact that if things were different between us this wouldn't even be in question. And as much as it hurts to see you go, I think it's the right thing to do" he insists.

"You're right, I'm just gonna miss you. A lot" I admit.

"Can I just ask you one thing" he wonders.

"Asking questions is dangerous" I smirk as he smiles at me. "But I think I can give you one good answer."

"If you were to stay, what would have happened with us" he wonders.

"It's hard to say" I admit. "I would like to think we could be together. I don't see how it would happen any other way, sometimes it felt like we've been together this whole time. I think we would be good together, it feels so natural to be right next to you. It wouldn't be awkward because we know each other so well, always know what to say and when to say it. There's nothing I wouldn't do with you, for you. I would love coming to support you at your games and we can still have new conversations at the diner every morning you're here. We would have a lot of fun, we share so many interests we could do anything together and never get tired. I think we would be great together" I admit.

"Great, now I'm starting to second guess myself" he teases and I squeeze his hand I was holding. "But I still think you should go. I want you to stay, but that's just me being selfish" he smirks.

"I'm gonna miss you" I insist.

"I'm gonna miss you too, more than you will ever know" he claims.

"You have to call every day, let me know how Jonny and Lindsey and Patrick and Amanda are doing. And you have to keep me updated on your parents. I'll secretly catch all the games you start and every time I'm in town I'll come see you" I promise.

"You better" he says. I pull him into a hug and close my eyes tight.

I know that I should go but I feel like I can't. I feel like there was so many things that needed to happen between Corey and I and I can't leave before it happens. But I don't want to tell him how I feel then leave, that's worse than just leaving. How am I supposed to look into his eyes and tell him that I loved him but I couldn't keep loving him? That's just as bad as holding it in, if not worse.

"Please don't cry" he begs.

"I'm sorry. I just never imagined this being so hard" I insist.

"I am pretty great" he claims and I roll my eyes.

"You're something" I admit.

"So you should probably call Mariah back and tell her it's a go. You're supposed to leave in a few days aren't you" he asks.

"Yeah. I just... have a lot to think about" I admit.

"I get it. I'll let you be. If you need anything let me know. I want to see you again before you leave" he claims.

"Is that a good idea" I ask.

"Probably not. But I still want to see you" he says.

"I'll be waiting" I say.

"Until next time" he says.

"Until next time" I repeat. He places a soft kiss onto my cheek and I let out a sigh. There's no way that this won't hurt like a bitch.

He lets me go and I look into his eyes. I see them start to get glassy and my heart breaks. I know that this isn't how this is supposed to end, but for some reason that's what is happening.

After he leaves and I tell Mariah that I was going to take the job. Not a lot was planned because it was early in the planning stages but she had a flight for me and a place to stay so we can figure it all out when I got there. I thank her for being patient with me and she lets me go. I try to figure out what all I need to pack and what I can send with my mom for safe keeping at the house.

I walk over to the record player Corey got me and I softly run my fingers across the glass. This was the sweetest and most thoughtful thing anyone has ever gotten for me. It reminds me that he is the man that has my heart and I'm not sure I'll ever have it whole again.