Love On the Brain (Corey Crawford)

22| All the Small Things

Jessica

After Corey and I rekindled we pick back up where we left off with the life training. I was signed up for six months of this and we were in month four so we were starting to get to the tail end. And the hope was that these lessons last longer than the six months we worked on them. Just because these life coaching session ends doesn't mean his life does, he's still has to live with himself and I really hope he knows that's something pretty cool and he should be proud of that. I always knew what I wanted to do regarding  my clients but it's different when I'm not in their lives constantly analyzing the small things that might not seem important to them. Although I'm not really sure that's what's going to happen with Corey and I when we're done here, if we will stay together or if something else decides to keep us apart.

And as we get more comfortable with our lives being together again we have the meeting at each other's apartments. Usually it was at mine because I would make us some food or he would just go to Jonnies afterwards. I usually don't have clients come over to my place but like I said, not every case is the same and Corey doesn't seem to fit anywhere within my rules.

"So I hear you and Lindsey are pretty close now" Corey starts as I stand in the kitchen. I boil some noodles to make lasagne and he claims he's helping but just ends up standing there keeping me company.

"Yeah, I guess you could say so" I admit.

"How's that going" he wonders. 

"It's pretty good. We're a lot of the same where she's very spiritual and thoughtful but other than that we couldn't be more different. She's outgoing and likes to party and likes having a bunch of friends she really doesn't know rather than having a few that are special. Plus she gets to travel a lot" I shrug.

"You don't travel" he questions.

"It's not that I don't want to, I just have t been able to do it yet" I say.

"You have so much money, you live in a better place than I do. How do you not get to travel to places you want to go" he questions.

"I just haven't gotten around to it" I shrug.

"Sounds like a load of bull" he claims and I scoff.

"You're the reason I'm not traveling right now" I remind him.

"Alright... fair enough" he laughs. "If you could travel right now, where would you want to go" he wonders and I smile.

"Since I was a little girl I wanted to go to Switzerland to go see the Freddie Mercury statue they have there" I say and he smiles too.

"You really loved him, didn't you" he wonders.

"I did, he was one of a kind. And not just his voice or his songwriting talents, but him as a human. Every time they asked him if he was the leader of Queen he would say "no darling I'm just the lead singer, we're all important to the band" and I always admired his humility. He didn't hide who he was, he was always Freddie even when he was told he can't be. He never held back and he never lived with regrets. Of course he wishes he never got aids but he couldn't change his lifestyle if he wanted to. He wanted a good life, not a long one.

On stage he was so dynamic, a totally different person than from who he was off the stage. And he had his troubles, we all do, but all he wanted was love. To love, to be loved. He had these lyrics to keep him company but he never had the love he so desperately wanted. And he was a lot more open about his problems than most, he saw his band as his family and cherished them and of course Mary. And his cats" I giggle.

"He would have been something else to be able to meet" Corey agrees.

"I would have lost it" I admit.

"Is there anyone who is alive that you want to meet" he wonders.

"So many people. Julia Roberts, Michael Jordan, Madonna. There's some great people in this world that I would love to pick their brain. But it's the dead ones I really want. I mean to be able to talk to Freddie or Michael Jackson or MLK or Ann Frank. They were the ones who were so special that the world didn't know how to handle them and ultimately killed them off. But to be able to hear what the minds of the people who changed what we thought about the world... that would be amazing" I sigh.

I turn around to see Corey staring at me. The smile one his face was huge as he watches me.

"Why are you looking at me like that" I finally ask.

"Because this is the first time I heard you talk about something you care about that isn't the mind and it's kind of amazing" he claims and I laugh.

"How you feel about hockey is how I feel about people. And while I'll never meet those people, having people like you and Lindsey around is just fine" I insist.

"Don't you ever feel like there's more out there than the few people you keep close? I mean you can see the world and meet all the amazing people you want" he insists.

"It's good to want more, to never be satisfied. There will always be so much more to life than we could ever learn. But I have to be happy for what I have here. I'm blessed to have these people in my life and the knowledge of the ones who aren't here anymore. I know sometimes life seems uninteresting and it feels like we're just kind of here. But each moment we have, we'll never have another one like it, we will never have these precious moments back again. When Freddie was dying all he wanted to do was write songs about all the little things that made his life worth living and it was beautiful. Those small things add up but they never will if you don't appreciate them when they're here.

So I appreciate everything no matter how small it might seem because I can travel and meet all these people, do everything I ever wanted and still want more. But it wouldn't matter much to me because life isn't about the big things in the end, it's about the little things in between them" I explain.

"Do you ever feel like you can't see the bigger picture while you're admiring all the small things" he asks.

"Never. Anyone can remember the big moments but when you're losing someone it's the small ones you miss because you didn't appreciate them when you had the chance" I explain.

"I never thought about it like that" he admits.

"There are so many moments that goes into this life of ours, and we won't remember them all. But nothing is stopping us in those moments from appreciating them" I say.

"I love our little moments" he claims.

"That makes two of us" I assure him.

After I finish making some food we sit at the TV and find a movie on Netflix. We shared a lot of the same interests which included movies so we easily find one and start to watch.

"Why are you such a good cook" he asks me and I just shrug.

"While other kids were in college drinking and going to parties I was looking up recipes and learning how to cook and bake. If being a life coach didn't work out then I was going to become a caterer" I say and he smiles.

"That's actually really cool. You would make a great caterer" he claims.

"What's about you? If you didn't play hockey what would you do" I wonder.

"I've always wanted to a part of the hockey world so if I didn't play I would coach or be a part of the development team. But if I had to get away from all of that I think I would be a school teacher" he says.

"A school teacher? I did not see that coming" I admit.

"Well it's true. I would teach history or pe or something to all the little kids of Canada" he claims and I smile.

"I love that" I admit.

"I love..." he trails off, "-this lasagne" he finishes as he stuff his food in his mouth.

"The lasagne loves you too" I say and he freezes.