My Trans Story

random rants and shit even though im tired asf

I feel like I'm never going to make any progress. That I'm never going to be happy.

Because I never fucking talk to my grandparents. I've tried many times to explain shit to them, but it was mostly through notes. And it mainly ended in me getting in trouble, lectured by my grandpa, and I ended up crying.

And it's because of shit like that that I cant ever talk to them about this. I'm just going to get in trouble. I have never once corrected a misgender or dead name situation, because they're never going to call me a boy and they're never going to call me Tyler.

But how am I going to get anywhere when I can't correct them? I never even bring it up. They know I feel this way, but they just ignore it. Continuing to call me pretty and a young woman.

One thing I hate is the random nicknames when I have to do something. Like when I need to do laundry my grandpa says "hey laundry girl" or when I need to bring in the groceries its "hey grocery lady"

I fucking hate it.

But I cant say anything. I'll just get yelled at.

Another thing I hate is that my grandpa keeps wanting me to date. Like my grandpa met this guy who went to high school with me (who I'll call Abner, since that's the first name that came up when I looked up weird names) and my grandpa wants me to go on a date with him.

Now, I like guys, and Abner is really nice, but he knows me as a girl. And my grandpa sees me as a girl. So I'm not going to go on a date with a guy who sees me as a girl. That's just not going to happen.

And I cant get into why I wont date him, I just say that I dont want to.

So if I cant even get my grandparents and dad to call me the right thing, then how am I going to be able to have anyone else do it? The only person who I've ever corrected is my sister, because shes actually a decent fucking person who tries.

Even then, since my dad and grandparents aren't supportive, she cant even call me the right thing around them because they'll get mad.

I'm not sure how I'm even going to do college with all this shit going on.

Also I feel so tired, but I'm literally unable to sleep. I'm so upset right now that I can't fucking fall asleep.

Also my diploma came in the mail the other day, which is great, but it's going to have my birth name on it forever so I dont really know what the fuck to do about that.

I dont even know what to think of things like this. I need my license, but oof it's going to have my birth name and assigned gender on it.

And apparently in my state you cant legally change your gender marker on your birth certificate without proof of having "sex reassignment surgery"

Which is complete bullshit because for one, what do they consider to be "sex reassignment surgery" Theres fucking more than one available surgery. What about people who dont want surgery? That's completely unfair.

Besides how the fuck is that even logical? Just gonna have a (for example) trans guy who's had surgery and is on hormones, who is passing as male and THEN you're going to let him change his gender marker? So before that hes just gonna have to go around looking like the dude he is, but with "female" and his "girl" name on all his identification????

Fucking stupid

And with the assumption that they mean full hormones and top and bottom surgery, that's stupid!!!! I want hormones and top surgery, but I dont want bottom surgery. It's not even going to give me like a cis-functioning dick so what's the point of that??? So because of that I would have to go to another fucking state just to change my legal gender.

I'm tired of ranting. Goodnight peoples I hope you're having a better night than I am 💙