Say - Ruel

august.

* attempted suicide is present please know that if you are dealing with something like this that they're are people out there who really do care, your life is so precious, if you ever need to talk I'm always here :)*

Ruel is now currently in America. He's about to play at Camp Flog Gnaw which is amazing but he's my lifeline. I need him to keep sane. I mean I have Toni but things have gotten a bit distant with her.

I'm getting ready for school and I feel drained. I just don't want to go and I don't see the point. I make my way downstairs and see my mum and dad. I've been pretty distant from them these past few months.

I hop on the bus missing the presence of my rock. The bullying is still going on but Ruel was always there to help and comfort me. Toni and I talk from time to time but it's not like it use to be.

To cope with the bullying sometimes I write songs. They are never any good, compared to Ruel but they make me feel relief.

Since Ruel has been gone I've been spiraling back into my deep, dark thoughts.

I got home and starting working on my song. After an hour I had finally finished but I didn't feel relief I just felt drained.

I don't know what came over me I walked over to my bathroom and took a handful of pills and swallowed them. I sat there looking at myself in the mirror. I felt like all feelings left when Ruel did.