SEESAW

It Felt More Than A Crush

For the next few days, Yoongi wandered on the streets around her house hoping to 'accidentally' run into her. His eyes constantly searching the block she said she lived in. 

Secretly planning conversations in his head. Revising re-revising his sentences, his greetings. "Let's start with a simple Hi, how are you" he was talking to himself and then maybe ask her for coffee. Yes, this seems simple and doable he thought while his heart was pumping so hard he was sure it might give way any second.

Days passed by but Yoongi got nowhere. He didn't even get a glimpse of her shadow to let alone be his attempt of striking a conversation. Finally, after a lot of anticipation, he decided to let it go. 

Yet hoping silently in his heart that this shouldn't be their end. Only a few minutes under an umbrella shouldn't be the only memory of her.

He was smitten alright. He never knew until now what longing meant. He thought how silly can he get obsessing over something he had no information about. Yes, in the past he had a huge crush on this girl in middle school. He even wrote a letter for her and sent it to a local radio station but this wasn't the same. That was a surely a crush, this felt like something more. 

His brain constantly hooked on her smile, her casual conversation, her shoulder-length hair, her dangling earrings, her sweet soft voice. He felt silly over it. He felt so embarrassed of himself that he dug his face into his hands, shook his head and almost gave out a loud cry. Frustration taking over him as he wanted so much more from this. 

  Sulking into sadness he went home early that day. He had not worked on music those few days, neither did he meet his peers. They all sent him messages asking why wasn't he around past few days and that they needed to work together on their next gig. 

Yoongis house was merely a hall, kitchen, and two bedroom space. The rooms were small and as such there was no space for anything extra. 

He hated his living situation. He couldn't wait to get out of this mess and make a decent living for himself. Music was his only escape and the only thing he thought he was good at. His brother wasn't home yet so, for the time being, he had the room to himself. He looked at the piano his mother had gifted him years back. 

Giving out a loud sigh, sulking as he was, he started playing random tunes giving his everything to not focus on the girl but his other half- music.

Just then he heard his door open with a loud thud. His father stared at him with all the anger in his heart. "Stop it. Stop with this shit" he yelled at Yoongi. "Go and make yourself a living. Go fucking earn some decent money and stop torturing me with this crap you call music. It is not going to get food on your table. It is not" he was hyperventilating, moments away from dragging Yoongi out of the house. 

Yoongi didn't budge, stared back expressionless at his father. His father then lost it and slapped him hard across his face. Yoongi almost teared up with this but the last thing he wanted was to do was to cry in front of his father. So he picked up his jacket and ran the hell out of his house.

This wasn't the first time Yoongi had heard his father talk this way about his career choice. Right from the time he got drawn into music his father despised everything he did. 

There were times when Yoongi almost packed his bags with the thought of running away but he had nowhere to go. He had nowhere to hide. He had to stay put till he found something, something he could do for himself, and help him himself figure out what exactly he wanted from this shitty life. 

His mind racing with a thousand thoughts of distress as he cried silently on a bench in a nearby park. He felt lost, with no friends, no support from his family, no money, no determination and absolutely no clue what he was gonna do with this life of his. He gave out silent cries hoping no one around him would notice.

 Suddenly he felt someone tap his shoulder and pat his head. He heard the same soft voice saying "Hey, Hey. You don't seem well. Is something wrong?" and Yoongi shivered at those comforting words. 

It was the first time someone has asked him if something was wrong and he instantly knew it was his girl from her soft voice.

 "Is something wrong?" she again asked with concern, sincerity dripping in her tone. He sat still, gazed at her for a few moments with eyes giving away all his pain, choked but said it out loud crying "Yes, almost Everything". 

                                                                                     ~~~~~~~~~~~

Yoongi writes-

Being born to love music.

How is it a crime, dad?

What hurts the most is

My own Blood spews hate,

And some stranger offers a helping hand....!!!!!