SEESAW

Our thunderstorms....!

Yoongi stared out his window, the atmosphere outside was exactly how he was feeling inside, sad and gloomy. His thoughts pondered through a million ones, a few hopeful, a few hopeless and destructive. His headspace clouded often with dark and dangerous ones, on the verge of collapsing his sanity.

Will Su Mi ever come back to him? Can she love him back the way she did all those years back? How will he get her back? All these thoughts clouded running back to Su Mi and only Su Mi. Nothing else mattered now, not Bangtan, not his music, not his members, not his wealth, not the media, not the reputation. Nothing.

He was a tad bit late to notice that the gloomy atmosphere outside had turned into one threatening thunderstorm, lightening so loud it seemed to reach his windows and then something just clicked and before the dread could sweep in his bones he ran out the door, not bothering the pain or sting in his wounds, his legs following what he knew the road to the doctor's room. But of course, the universe always had a way to put him on the back foot as he saw Jimin rushing with terror on his face and into the same room. He was late again. So he slowed down, feet dragging afraid of the scene he'll see inside. Yet he did look through the slit of the door and it hurt like a bitch as he saw Su Mi lying down on the bed curled up into Jimin's arms as he clenched her tight against him, soothing her with calming words and small peppered kisses in her hair and face.

Yoongi stood there watching, eyes hurting with tears running down his cheeks as he saw Su Mi being taken care of by someone else, clutched into someone else's arms, being kissed by someone else. He stood there with no rights whatsoever to stop it from happening. So after staring for a few minutes with hurt, anguish, and pain, he turned his steps back to his room, head down and his entire body aching.

Su Mi saw it all, Yoongi standing at the door, tears in his eyes, and hurt plastered all over his face. When he left with a dejected look, she couldn't control it anymore. Days of maintaining a sober façade, days of trying to ignore her inner feelings, days of trying to hold herself together, one look at Yoongi's sad face and she crumbled like the house of cards as she broke into wild sobs in Jimin's arms. She sobbed with all her strength because this was not supposed to happen.

Yoongi was not supposed to come back, Yoongi was not supposed to knock on her door asking her questions, demanding her to come back, he was not supposed to look the way he did now, hurt and painful and teary-eyed. Su Mi cried as she hurt equally, crushed one more time, torn between the past and the present, hurting because how do you get over your first love when you loved them with all you got in this lifetime? How do you reach out to someone who is hurting and begging for another chance when you are held with so much tenderness in someone else's arms?

So she sobbed and sobbed until her lungs hurt and Jimin comforted her thinking it was the thunderstorm outside, the poor soul not knowing it was the storm inside her that was threatening to burn her.

Yoongi was breaking her again, all the strength and fights she put up all these years fighting herself, crumpled into dust with one glance, one glance of her teary-eyed Yoongi. Did she ever even move on, or did she just learn to ignore her past with such a good defense that it eventually stopped hurting?

She reminded herself again, the reasons she left. She had to tell Yoongi, she had to give him the answers he demanded, everything he had missed uptil now.

Even if it meant living the dread of their baggage all over again, reliving those hurtful memories locked somewhere deep inside her mind. She had to start from the beginning where it all started going downhill, all their mistakes and regrets and life-changing decisions they made. It was time, it was time to answer his questions, it was time to end his pain and let him know there was no 'Us'. She was going to break him as he broke her. Of course, she did not like doing it, she had been through all this, hell and back but it had to be done for the pretty eyes that looked at her as if she was his whole world. She had to do it for Jimin, for all the things he had done for her, even if it was going to break her soul. She was going to break a heart she had carried in her palms like her own.

'For Jimin' she cried in his arms. 'For Jimin'.