SEESAW

Yoongi tried with all his efforts to track Su Mi's whereabouts. He asked the neighbors, stores, shops, anyone living and breathing around 10 miles of the house. She had left no trace, it seemed as if she did not want to be found by Yoongi. It seemed as if she had shut all doors for Yoongi and the fan-sign was her last chance for him to hold. But Yoongi screwed up big time. He realized it now, so very late.

Days converted into months and months into years. Every day he looked at his phone, by chance if she had a change of heart if she'd dial his number by mistake. He searched thoroughly every face he saw be it at fan-signs, airport, or concert if he'd find Su Mi waving at him with her love-filled gaze. But nothing came up.

Yoongi's popularity was insanely high. He had brands endorsing him, their music topped all charts, and he even won the Grammy's. Money was flowing left and right. He had achieved all he could, now the struggle was to maintain it.

Yoongi sat on his couch, head was thrown back and gaze into oblivion. His soul numb and feeling of emptiness crawling under his skin. He often thought about his days when Su Mi was around. The comfort and ease she had brought in his life. He often pondered how it would feel to be back into that embrace, back in her arms, back to her calling him baby. He imagined her face, that big smile that lit her insides just saying his name. "Yoongi-ya" he said to himself imitating her way of saying it. He missed hearing it now. He missed her messages, her constant worry, and her constant care.

It was almost two years since he saw her at the fan-sign. Time passed by quickly when he was busy with tours, members, work but these lazy days haunted him too much. Even sleep had left his side. The one thing he could rely on. Now when he closed his eyes, Su Mi's thoughts ate him up no matter how hard he tried to shut them.

He looked at his phone again, it was 3 a.m. date- 24th July. He stared at it for a while. Something clicked. 24th July.

"Fuck, why the fuck did I not think of this before?" Yoongi cursed himself. He changed his clothes, grabbed his jacket, and car keys and ran the hell out of his house.

He called Namjoon at that hour and literally yelled to wake him up from his slumber "I won't be coming to the studio tomorrow, Joon. Just say something important came up with my family. Namjoon please cover up. I need you to. Handle this for me."

Before Namjoon could respond Yoongi cut the call and started his car engine. He knew where Su Mi would be today. She would visit her father's grave. She always did. Yoongi drove with all speed not wanting to miss even a minute. What if he didn't reach on time and Su Mi left? So he pressed on the accelerator hard. His only chance to find her and he would do anything to not miss it.

He drove from Seoul to Busan at the speed of lightning. A five hours journey covered in three. It was 7 a.m. in the morning and he parked a little far from the cemetery and waited. Eyes glued to the gate.

Day passed by and the clock ticked 6 p.m. Yoongi anxious and worried. Just then a taxi pulled up in front of the gate and he saw Su Mi get down. Yoongi's heart skipped a beat. He was right after all. But He had no courage to get down and walk to her and face her. He couldn't even get himself to open the lock of his car door. His frozen thoughts not knowing what to say her, or how to confront her. He waited for another half hour and saw Su Mi get back into the taxi. He foolishly followed the taxi until he saw Su Mi get down and walk towards a small restaurant. It wasn't even a restaurant more like a tent where they served food and Soju.

Yoongi sat back in his car, again parked a little at a distance, his mask covering his face. He was in the city again afraid of people recognizing him. He saw her eat a bowl of noodles from afar. But her face drowned in sorrow as she gulped bottle after bottle of Soju. Yoongi felt his heart was being stabbed at this site. She started drinking. The last time he knew Su Mi, she was this innocent soul who had never smelled alcohol. Look at her now. She drank like a pro. Did he do this to her? "Of course Yoongi. Of course, You did this," he bashed and cursed himself. How badly he wanted to reach out and hold her hand and make her stop drinking her pain? He watched her destroy her sanity into that liquid for afar.