Malikdem
Sari started to avoid me.
After I confessed my feelings for her, she disappeared again. I would show up as usual at the tree where we meet and call out to her. "Sari! May mga bulaklak ako para sa iyo. Magugustuhan mo kaya? Kakaiba ang kulay nila."
Hours later, there would still be no sign of her. "Kailangan ko ng bumalik sa aming lugar. Sana maibigan mo ang aking dala. Pagpasensyahan mo na kung ito lamang ang aking nakayanan." Before I finally leave, I turn back and hope that she would be there.
But there would be no sight of her.
After what seemed like weeks, I brought her some fruits I picked. "Sari, napili ako ng mga nakakatanda upang magsanay at maging pinuno. Nais ko sanang ikuwento sa iyo..." Dejectedly, I got up to leave but turned back to the tree and say, "Sari... lubos na akong nangungulila para sa iyo."
As I was walking away, contemplating whether I would see her again, I heard a faint whisper, "Malikdem."
My eyes widened and I looked back. True enough, there she was, taking a bite out of the fruit I got her. "Sari."
She smiled shyly. "Maraming salamat para sa mga ito."
I was too happy that she was here that all I could do was grin, stand near her and watch every move she made. She looked up, met my eyes and asked, "Mayroon bang problema, Malikdem?"
"Wala... masayang-masaya lamang ako na narito ka na."
She smiled again. "Aking napagtanto... na... hindi ko pala kaya ang hindi ka makita. Iniibig kita."
My heart soared.
I cupped her face and she placed her hands over mine. "Salamat! Salamat, Sari... ngunit... ayokong mapahamak ka sa inyong kaharian."
Sari looked sad. "Aaminin ko na hindi ko pa alam kung ano ang ating hangganan, ngunit hindi ako pinagbawalan na makita ka. Kung... kung sakali na ito ang nais mo, maaari pa rin kitang maging kasintahan."
"Gustong-gusto ko, Sari. Gustong gusto."
I leaned in to kiss her but pulled back quickly. "Maaari ba kitang halikan?"
It was the most magical kiss that I thought about until I went home that night.
*
Our relationship had now been going on for years.
We were never allowed more than kisses and a few touches, but more than that was out of the question. For a time, Sari thought that maybe it was best to end this. "Malikdem, nasa tamang edad ka na para magkaroon ng sarili mong pamilya. Ang iyong mga kababata ay may kani-kaniya ng pamilya. Hindi mo ba nais iyun?"
"Nangako ako sa iyo, Sari. Ikaw lamang ang aking gusto. Maghihintay ako hanggang payagan na tayo ng inyong Reyna."
She always looks worried when I say this but does not tell me why she is this bothered. "Malikdem, walang kasiguraduhan ang ating relasyon. Mas mabuti yatang tapusin na natin ito. Maghanap ka na lamang ng ibang kababaihan sa inyo."
"Yan ba talaga ang nais mo, Sari?"
She nodded.
I gave her a stern look. "Nangako tayong hindi magsisinungaling sa isa't isa."
She slowly shook her head. "Hindi ko kayang isipin na may iba kang mahal."
I smiled and caressed her face again as she likes. In all the years that we had been together, we always stood or sat close to each other and kept cupping each other's face. "Maghihintay ako. Huwag mo akong alalahanin."
When I became the Datu, I saw her hiding in one of the nearby trees to watch the ceremony. It was too bad that we couldn't celebrate it publicly together, but I knew that she was proud of my accomplishments and that was all that mattered.
Now, I had to touch a virgin just to get the position at the council.
"Mahal ko, hindi ko kakayanin ang kanilang hinihingi," I said to her, worriedly.
"Kailangan mong sumunod. Iyan ang kailangan ninyo... Iintindihin ko." She assured but I knew that the thought did not sit well with her. "Ang hihingin ko lamang ay maghanap ka ng isang dalagang papayag sa mangyayari... huwag mo sanang tularan ang ibang mga pinuno ninyo na dinaan sa dahas ang kanilang nais."
"Ikaw lamang ang gusto ko."
"Kailangan ninyo ito."
But, I couldn't do it. I couldn't. I was fiercely loyal to Sari and I wanted to keep my promise to her.
But there was also the matter of my people. We needed the benefits that being in the council would bring. There was a lot of things I didn't agree with that the council does and I hoped that maybe one day, these would change. But for now, I had to comply.
Looking at her, I suddenly thought, "Mahal... patawad sa aking sasabihin.... ngunit... maaari kayang ikaw na lamang ang aking angkinin?"
I needed to claim a virgin. Sari was.
"Malikdem! Alam mong hindi maaari!"
I slumped down on a rock, at a loss with what the best option was. I loved being a leader to my people, but sometimes there are demands to it that I felt were too much.
Sari approached me and kissed my nose. "Susubukan kong magpaalam sa aming Reyna."
***
I watch Malikdem come back from his daily walk and check on the needs of our people. He stopped to check on the fire, then the food that was being cooked; the water supply; the argument of some of the men...
I narrowed my eyes at him. Yes, he was good leader, but he was trying to be a member of the council and I knew enough that soon, it would be time for him to do the most vile of things to an unwilling woman.
My mother used to be one of those unwilling women and I was the product of that. But the Datu did not consider me his child and we had been cast out until Malikdem's family took pity.
Still, we were in the sidelines. We struggled for our supplies. Eventually, my mother died of hunger and a broken heart.
I vowed then, no woman would ever suffer in the hands of the Datus.
Never again.
