Sofia
Like John said, it was difficult when he moved to London.
We thought it would be better for us because the time difference was less than when he was in the States — we would have more hours that we were both awake and could keep in touch during the day — but that didn't work out so well. I started applying for a visa to visit him, in hopes that being together again would fix things for us or at least make us realize that we needed to fight for this. But before I could even go, things escalated and fights would break out over the simplest things and eventually, I knew I had to say something.
"This isn't working."
Ang intention ko naman ay mag-usap kami ng masinsinan, hindi yung makipag-break.
I knew it was partly my fault. The way I opened up the topic did make it seem like I had enough. But, before I could think of a different approach, he was already saying, "I'm sorry if I'm not doing right by you. Okay lang sa akin kung iiwan mo na ako".
"What?"
"Sana maging happy ka ha? And yung next na magiging boyfriend mo would know how great you are. I'm sorry I'm not the one for you."
My heart: ARAY!!!! Leche naman! Di ba sabi ko last mo na 'yung dati? Ano 'to? ANOOOOO TOOOOO?? Hindi pwede! Hindi pwede!!! Come back!
My brain: Nauto tayo dun ha. Hindi yan pwede. We need to seek revenge. Paano siya sasaktan? Pero wait, pansinin mo yung words niya. 'Okay lang sa akin kung iiwan mo na ako'... he doesn't want to leave us. He also said he wanted us to work, but he doesn't know how... maybe we have to move?
My soul: We have to resolve this. My inner peace is disrupted.
My stomach: Bad timing bang sabihin na gutom ako?
My heart, brain, soul: OO! Mamaya ka na umeksena.
My stomach: Bakit ba kasi parating dinner time kayo nagdadramahan?!
"Mahal ba natin siya talaga? Sure na sure na sure tayo? Kailangan ko ng consensus?" I asked my entire being.
The answer was a YES. Even my toes agree, I think.
It was time to hatch a plan. I checked flights and my budget. "Hay nakooo, John Rivera, ewan ko talaga sayo!" I clicked on book and got up to pack. But my stomach grumbled.
So yes, kumain na muna ako.
*
It was midnight when I arrived at this flat.
Some friends of mine later asked me if I didn't worry that he might have had a woman with him. "Some guys do that, di ba? Hook up with someone so that they won't have to deal with all those feelings."
I smiled to myself. I never worried about that with John.
I called and knocked on his door at the same time. Groggy pa siya when he opened his door, "Sofia?"
PAK!
"Aray! What the -?"
"Stop trying to end us. Don't you get it yet? It's you and me forever, Dude. You'll be miserable without me. So, let me do you a favor. We're working on this. Understood? You can't move to Manila, then I'll move here."
"Sofia, what if you can't find a job?"
"Then you'll have to marry me so I can stay. Patay na patay ka naman sa akin eh. And don't pretend you're not. I know you got me a ring a long time ago."
My brain and heart: Wooooooiiii! Ang confident mo! Paano kung humindi yan.
Me: Tumahimik kayo. Suportahan niyo ako guys.
Thankfully, bumigay agad si John. Hindi na kinakaya nung kaba ko yung ganap eh. But dahil sa inis ko, pagod (and dahil hindi pa ako naliligo), walang kiss nung gabing yun!
"Huh? Galit ka pa ba?"
Hindi na, pero ang baho ko na, Dude, baka ikaw ang umatras, I thought. To him, I said, "No, but I'm tired. Good night."
I headed to his spare room, prepared for bed and climbed in. He knocked. "Come in."
"Hi."
"Hey."
"Can I sleep beside you tonight?"
I set aside the covers and let him get in beside me. When he hugged me, I could let myself relax and let exhaustion take over. I fell asleep to his constant chants of "I'm so sorry, Sofia. Sorry. I'm so glad you're here."
*
The following day, I got up and it was already midday. John had prepared breakfast and though he was smiling and the air between us seemed lighter, he didn't mention anything about my proposal last night.
"Hey look. There's a job opening na nakita ko dito. It fits your profile."
Confused, I took the paper but couldn't seem to read the words. Mali ba ako? He didn't want to marry me?
"When is your flight back?"
"I... uh... I'm only here for the weekend. Aalis ako early Sunday."
"Hmmm..."
Yun na? Yun na?! I suddenly felt like I couldn't breathe and that my heart was about to break again, so I got up from the table and took a bath then I told him I was going out to walk around.
I don't know how long I walked just to sort my thoughts out. Did I interpret it incorrectly? Baka naman hindi talaga para sa akin yung singsing na nakita when we were still in New York. Was there someone — hindi eh. Akin yun sure ako. Pero... bakit ganito?
I realized, I needed to talk to him. Ask him directly. Pagkatapos kong magdrama na he has to run things by me, here I was overthinking things without discussing it with him.
So, I headed back.
As I waited to cross the street, I silently prayed. Please, please don't break my heart.
As the final car passed and the light changed, I saw him on the other side of the street, waiting for me at the corner. "John?"
"Hi." He pulled out a box and opened it to reveal...
...the trinket I got from Donna's wedding all those years ago.
"Oh my god!"
"I know I've screwed up more times that I should and some people would probably tell you to just find someone else. And it would be understandable if you listen to them. But I just wanted to tell you that this time, I truly had your best interest at heart. I love you too much and didn't want to be a burden. Pero tama ka. I'd be miserable without you and should've had more faith in you... in us."
He handed me the trinket. "Paki hawak. Kulang na yung kamay ko." Pulling another box, he asked, "If it's okay with you, could I be your one true love? Can I walk beside you for the rest of our lives?"
Yes, he proposed to me around the corner of our home. And I said yes to my one true love.
P.S.
Heart - I'm so in love! Sooooo happy with John
Brain - Tama. This is right.
Soul - I am at peace.
Stomach - *burp*
MAGSITABI KAYONG LAHAT. MOMENT KO ITO - Reproductive Organs
