Sofia
I have to admit - John crossed my mind once in awhile. Like today. I don't know, I just randomly wondered if our paths would ever cross again.
The memory no longer hurt, but sometimes I still can't help but have a sad smile and a sigh when I think of him.
After everything that happened, part of me still felt like we could make it if we just had a good chance.
But, I never forget the power of choice. And he didn't choose me.
Oh well.
Life has been great lately. I got a promotion at work, I decided to try something new by enrolling in art classes (for no good reason but to try), I had a makeover and have recently been getting compliments with my hair... madami! So much good was coming my way.
Above all that, I was at peace with myself. I am not married but that's okay. I don't want to let the pressure in anymore. I look at myself in the mirror and even on days when I look tired, I realize I like me.
And that's good.
I made my way back to the office and decided to take a different route. Most people were still out on holiday so it wasn't too crowded.
To see John on the other side of the street was surprising, to say the least.
Salamat sa bus na dumaan at nakapag-compose ako ng sarili ko and in that split second, I decided not to stop. I was going to say hi and then continue walking.
And that was what I did.
Wag kang lilingon! Wag kang lilingon! I kept reminding myself, which is probably why I was so shocked to hear my name being screamed.
"Your hair. Bagay sa'yo."
Yun na? He ran all this way to comment on my hair? May sira ba 'to?
"Can I walk with you?"
Ano daw?
"Sofia?"
"Sorry. What?"
"Can I walk with you?" He repeated.
"John, sa office lang ako pupunta. Wala ka bang lakad?"
"None. Kung okay lang, samahan kita?"
I frowned and wanted to debate it but upon checking my watch, I needed to hurry back before I missed my meeting. "Fine. Tara. Walk fast, baka ma-late ako."
He brought me to work, waited for me and then met up with me after. At dahil wala akong balak mag-aksaya ng oras, I asked straight, "So, ano 'to?"
"H-ha?"
"Nagkita lang tayo sa pedestrian crossing biglang nagyaya ka na ng dinner? Ano 'to?"
John giggled nervously. "Nakaka-intimidate ka, alam mo?"
I sighed and rolled my eyes. I've been told this many times over. "I do. But, so what? Ayoko na lang magaksaya pa kasi ng oras."
"I want to apologize. I've wanted to for a long time, I just didn't know how to go about it."
I smirked. "You just needed to be sincere, say I'm sorry, and yun na."
"Yeah, but... parang kulang."
"People underestimate the value of sincerity nowadays," I commented. "Anyway, I accept. You didn't need to naman. At some point, I decided not to carry my anger. And I forgave you whether you asked for it or not."
I made a move to leave.
"Sofia, wait."
"What is it, John Rivera?"
"I can't let you go."
"Kasi?"
"I... I don't know. Pero parang mali eh."
I looked at him. I knew how he felt. But I learned that it was only half the battle. The other half boiled down to choice. "It could be just guilt. And I'm telling you now, don't be guilty. I'm great. We're good."
"Can I see you again?"
"Until when? While you're here in Manila? That's what? Another week?"
He was quiet.
"We're good, John. I just can't let you in my space. But, I wish you luck."
Wooooo! Nasaan na ang award ko!!! Ibigay niyo na bago ko bawiin ang acting ko!
I meant every word I said, but the non-rational part of my being (also known as my puso) wants to give him and his undefined proposal a chance.
My brain: Tama lang yan! Iwan mo nga siya. What does he think? Ganun ganun lang babalik siya? Hmph!
My heart: But he looks so kawawa o! Baka naman hindi pa lang niya masabi yung gusto niya sabihin pero seryoso na siya sa atin.
My brain: Gaga. Manahimik ka. Ikaw na ang nasunod ng ilang taon ha. Ako naman ngayon.
My soul: Manahimik kayo. Ginugulo niyo inner peace ko
My stomach: Hindi man lang tayo kumain bago ka nagdrama.
So, kumain muna ako.
Ang tanong: what now?
