Sofia
Yes, umuwi akong luhaan.
I avoided Donna for awhile because I didn't know how to tell her that I had hoped her cousin and I would get together. Well, maybe I didn't need to tell her but then she may get a clue even if I tried to avoid the topic because Donna was one of my closest friends.
And, of course, being a close friend, I couldn't stay away from her. "So, nag Hamptons kayo nila Kuya John?"
"Yup."
"Nagparty yun for sure."
"Oo. Every night inuman."
She chuckled. "Gosh. I love that guy but sometimes I wonder if he'd ever grow out of that lifestyle."
I just shrugged, not wanting to say too much. But, Donna randomly says, "I sometimes think Kuya John is afraid to commit. Never pa nagkaroon ng long time girlfriend yan eh."
So, yun na nga. Yung one true love ko na nasa kanto eh hanggang dun na lang yata.
And yes, at that point, hindi pa ako nagpatinag! Siya pa din! Challenge ba? GAME ON.
Wala naman siyang pinakitang interest sa kin? No problem! Kasi baka hindi pa lang siya aware. Laban lang!
Ang ginawa ng gaga self ko? Maghanap ng work sa New York. I wanted to relocate there. Kasi di ba? For him to realize that I was the one he was looking for in the search he hasn't seem to have started yet, I needed to be accessible.
Again, pwedeng pwede niyo akong batukan.
No, I didn't find a job and ended up staying in Manila.
At first, I was frustrated because I felt like I was being kept from my destiny, but as the days passed, I realized, I'm happy here. I met new people, made good friends, kept old ones, truly enjoyed my work... I even fell in love.
John? Yeah, I kept in contact with him. Initially, it was emails. Updates on how life was. He'd be courteous enough to reply and give updates but his messages were almost always dismissive — yung parang walang room for more conversation? Eventually, I asked him about it and he said, "I'm not too chatty in emails kasi. And your letters... sometimes they sound like you're expecting something from me that I can't give."
It hurt but it was the closure I needed.
Well, closure in the sense that, as innocent as I still was and hoped that this was my epic love story, I was slowly awakening to the fact that I didn't like the feeling like I had to beg for his time or attention. Don't get me wrong. Wala naman siyang ginagawang masama talaga. I can't blame him if he's not interested (pero nakakainis bakit hindi siya nahulog para sa ganda ko?) but I was annoyed that he didn't play his part in the love story I created for us.
And it was then I realized, I needed to pull away. I wasn't fair to him. Above all, I wasn't fair to myself.
Pero ang gulo din niya eh. After he sent me that email, when he was home for the holidays, he texted me that he was in Manila. Pero wala namang invite to meet up. Ano yun?
That time, I was already busy dating so I didn't give it much thought. When my boyfriend saw the text, he asked, "Sinong John?"
"Cousin ni Donna. He toured me around while I was in New York."
*
Sadly, it didn't work out with the guy I dated for a couple of years.
Nursing a broken heart that Christmas, my cousins asked me to go see a movie and that was when I saw John again. Of course I was giddy that he thought I looked good. After a heartbreak, it was nice to be complimented.
A few weeks later, I got news that I was headed back to New York with a team for a short assignment for six-months. "Puñeta, Destiny. Wag mo akong paglaruan ha. Marupok ako ngayon."
I told myself that this time, I would focus on getting to know the people I was working with and make sure I healed my heart fully before I even entertained the idea of seeing anyone again. So, I didn't tell John that I was flying to the city even if we had just exchanged a few hi-hello texts over the holidays.
Two weeks into being back in New York, I realized that I loved the city and its vibe and was thankful to be here again, my teammates said that they were interested in going to see the Hamptons and if I had recommendations.
That was when I emailed John to ask.
Hey John,
Sorry to bother you but I wanted to check if you could help me with booking some of the tours we had while we were at the Hamptons? Or if you have contacts that could make things even easier that would be great.
Sofia.
He wrote back
Hey!
You're in town again? Since when? Sure, I have a few friends there who can help out. I'm attaching their numbers here. Let me know when you plan to go. Heading there soon as well, baka sabay pa tayo.
John
O, Sofia's heart, umayos ka this time ha. Aloof tayo, aloof.
John,
Got this. Thanks, Kuya John. I'm heading there with a group of friends, so we'll see.
Sofia
He replied:
Kuya John?
I wanted to reply:
Yes, you ARE Donna's OLDER cousin. Donna = my age. You = older. :D Out of respect, KUYA.
But, let's not be cute. Aloof tayo so I sent:
Yup! Thanks again.
Congrats, Self.
