Sofia
I was smiling to myself over breakfast the following morning while recalling our conversations the night before.
"How long have you been in New York?" I asked.
"More than three years. I took the offer as soon as it was given to me. I loved visiting here and being given the chance to stay was something I couldn't pass up."
"Don't you get scared with the people here?"
He shrugged. "Not really. I just show them that I'm their equal. I'm just as good, if not better than them. Why? Are you still afraid?"
I nodded. "Konti. I mean, it's gotten a lot better but there are times I'm still intimidated by the place."
He smiled reassuringly. "Kaya mo yan. Don't worry to much. By the way, there's a holiday coming up. My friends and I are going to the Hamptons for the long weekend. Do you want to join?"
"Talaga? Sige! Kung okay lang."
"Oo naman. I'll email you the details. I'm taking my car. Sabay ka na lang?"
We agreed and talked more about the trip and random stuff as we went around town. One particular conversation stands out though.
"You were at Donna's wedding?" I asked.
"Yup, I was hanging out with my cousins."
"Si Kevin lang kilala ko sa cousins ni Donna." I told him, mentioning their cute cousin I was checking out at the time.
"Yun. I was hanging out with Kevin the whole time. Sa akin pa sumabay yun pauwi."
That stopped me.
Kevin was on his way home when I bumped into him at the corridor leading to the restrooms.
I thought back to the saying on the trinket. Kevin was already married. So, I had either missed my chance with true love or... I had just met him.
*
During our trip, I noticed a few things.
One, he seemed to want me to show more reactions. Being shy, I tended to just smile and and nodded when he pointed out things to me. When he shared some fact about the vineyard we were visiting, all I said was, "Oh, that's nice." He would look at me like he didn't know if I was having fun or not.
"Bored ka na ba?"
"No, no. I'm having fun!"
"Doesn't look like it."
I rolled my eyes. "Just because I'm not jumping up and down doesn't mean I'm not having fun. Relax."
He gave a wry smile and we went on our way. I felt a bit bad but didn't know how bring it up again to apologize. I told myself to show more outward interest.
Two, he was attentive but not too much, so I wasn't sure if there was any interest there. When we ate, he would sit beside me and tend to what I needed, even watching me eat. "Ang bagal mo kumain."
"Oo nga eh. Sorry. I'm kinda full."
"But, that salad is all you ate? And that's just lettuce, tomatoes and cheese."
"Yes, but in giant portions."
But other times, he would sit far and I sometimes wondered if he forgot that I was there.
I also found out that he loved to party and they drank almost every night that we were there. I joined them on the first night, but passed on the following nights. "Are you sure?" He asked.
I nodded and went to sleep.
The following morning, most of them were still asleep, so I wrote him a note to say that I was heading out for a walk. There was something that had been nagging at the back of my mind and I just needed to sort it out.
As I walked out and took in the fresh morning air, I looked out into the lake, I wondered. On paper, he's everything I want. I think I like him but I'm not certain. I'm not sure if he's interested but I want him to be interested. But, more importantly... why are there no sparks?
Will I be able to settle for someone I'm lukewarm about?
*
Guys, bago kayo magalit, please pagbigyan niyo ako. Bata pa ako nun! Nagpadala sa hula sa cake. So, even if there were things that weren't completely good with me, I told myself I could get past that and make this work. He's the one!
Kasi sabi ng hula.
Okay, pwede niyo na akong batukan.
My mindset at that time was - most of my friends, batchmates, officemates were getting married or getting there so I told myself that I should find my ONE. I got caught up in all the "Naiiwan ka na ng biyahe" or "Baka kasi ang choosy mo. Sige ka tatanda ka mag-isa" as if that were a bad thing. But yeah, I said, I needed to marry.
I put that pressure on me and when all the signs seemed to point to John, I felt like... this needed to work.
So I missed the signs.
When we got back from the trip, I didn't hear from him. I would often be the one to initiate conversations. He would reply and we'd still have pleasant exchanges but not much else. I told him that I was leaving in two weeks to head back to Manila and I told him, "Hey do you think we could meet up? I just wanted to give you a thank you gift for hosting me for a bit while I was here."
His reply, "No need! You're welcome and I hope you had fun!"
What a way to be dismissed, right? So, kahit engot ako and wanted something out of this, mataas ang pride ko. I pulled away and went home with slightly broken hopes.
