Emma
"Mommy, not nice to fight with Daddy."
Lily looked at me and crossed her arms. I laughed because she looked so adorable.
"Not funny, Mommy! Daddy is sad!"
"Sorry, baby. Yes, it's not nice to fight with Daddy. I'll say sorry, but for now, it's time for you to sleep."
Hours later, I was still awake thinking of this recent fight with Gavin.
It was my fault.
A few days ago, I said yes to a coffee invite from a colleague of mine. Gavin made a face but agreed to take care of Lily while I was out. "Coffee. Gabing-gabi coffee."
The "date" was pleasant enough. He knew my history so it was not a big reveal and we could just enjoy spending time together. However, sometime during the evening, he asked, "I'd like to get to know you separate from your daughter."
It shocked me.
It was true. Gavin always reminded me to go and do things I wanted to do and not confine myself to being Lily's mom, but the way this guy said it put me off. Lily was obviously a big part of my life and I can't just separate her.
Ewan ko ba. I mean, Gavin essentially said the same thing pero bakit dito naiinis ako?
When I got home that night, Gavin was laying on the sofa nursing a headache. "How was your date?"
I told him what happened and maybe won't be seeing the guy again. "This is so difficult. Gavin, do you ever regret this?"
"Ayan ka na naman," he sighed in frustration. "This is the nth time you've asked and honestly naiinis na ako. Siguro naman ginawa ko na lahat to prove to you na hindi ako nagsisisi."
He turned to face me.
"Kasalanan ko. Hindi ako naging maingat with protection and nabuntis ka. But, I thank God every day na nangyari lahat yun and we have Lily. I can't imagine life without her. I'm really sorry if I - we - disrupted your life and I'm doing everything to make amends. Pero sana naman, wag mong iproject to me kung ikaw yung may regrets or kung nafufrustrate ka sa mga dinedate mo."
"Gavin..."
He got up to leave. "Uuwi na ako. Wala nang pupuntahan itong usapan natin."
"No, wait —"
"No, Emma. I'm pissed off. Talking right now might make the situation worse. Magpapalamig lang ako ng ulo." Before he shut the door, he turned and said, "I'm not like the others. Babalik ako. Nasaktan ako sa sinabi mo but I will come back. Let's talk then."
I didn't see him since then. Laging yung mommy na niya ang aabutan ko na bantay ni Lily when I get home from work.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow babawi ako.
*
Lily and I rang the doorbell to Gavin's unit.
"Emma! Apo!" Tita Amelia greeted.
"Hi Lola Mimi! Where's Daddy?"
"Naku, baby, Daddy is still sick. Doctor says he should rest," Lily's lola escorted us to the living room.
"Ho? May sakit si Gavin?" I asked.
"Oo, Emma anak. He's had high fever for days now so I forced him to go to the hospital. He was given antibiotics, but he needs to rest."
