Double Sided

Tyler

***TYLERS POV****
***Trigger warning self harm, suicide, careless actions, Blurryface***
**one and a half months after the accident**

I laid awake in the hospital room. Debby and Jenna came today, Debby talked to me about what had happened. Talking through it always helped. The beeping of the heart monitor and steady breathing of my friend were the only things making sounds. The beeping continued on its steady pace, it's like it was with me everywhere now, even when I left the hospital I could still hear the high pitched noise in my head.

"Beep beep beep." A voice mocked.

Stop it Blurry.

"Beep beep beep. One day the beeping will stop."

Yeah because he will be awake and we will be out of this stupid place.

"Sure you will. Jenna will never forgive you."

I laid my head on my friends bed, I grabbed his hand in mine. My sweatshirt covered up the scars on my arms and the new cuts on my wrist. I can't believe I let Blurry win so many times. "It's bad Josh, it's so bad since you've been gone." I whispered to my friend, hoping that maybe, just maybe his eyes would flutter open and I could see his glossy mocha eyes. "Just one more time. Pull through for me, please. I'll never let this happen to you again. I should've helped, I should've been there." Tears slid down my cheeks. "I should've been there." I looked up at him.

"Tyler?" Josh's doctor lightly tapped the door.

"Yeah?" I straightened myself up quickly and wiped off my face.

"Is everything okay?" He slowly walked in the room.

"Yeah, yeah, we are good."

"Are you sure?" He sat across the bed from me. "I know it's hard. Can you talk to me about it?"

"What's there to talk about? It's all here, right in front of you."

"I know, but maybe just say it. Say it to me." He observed me carefully, "You know I'm a doctor. I'm trained to see certain things, notice certain things, but it'll make you feel better if you just tell me."

"It's my fault. I should've been there." I stared at my friend.

"Tyler there was nothing you could've done to help."

"Yes there is! I could've been out there with him! I was supposed to be out there with him."

"Tyler, you made a wise choice in the situation. You shouldn't have been out there, you weren't stable enough yet."

"I know but I could've-"

"Stop blaming yourself. Even if you had gone with him, you could've gotten hurt too. Like I said, you had just fainted, they weren't going to let you out there." The room went silent other than the beeping monitor and the sound of breathing. "Tyler, will you try to get better? For him? Let's try eating. Try to sleep. I haven't seen you eat more than four or five times total and you've been here for a month and a half."

"I eat while you're gone." I mumbled.

"I know. I've had the nurses try to track your eating. It's still not enough. Do you want to still be here when he wakes up?"

"Yeah."

"Then eat. And sleep, you are here all the time. I understand that you want to be with him, but sleep. And take care of yourself." He stood up, "Stop hurting yourself for something you couldn't prevent." He glanced at my wrists and I immediately pulled down on my sleeves.

"Don't tell the girls." I said more like a pled.

"I haven't, I won't. I think they already know though." He left the room.

_present day_still Ty pov_

"I'm taking Debby home for awhile. Are you sure you don't want to come?" Jenna asked me for the hundredth time.

"Yes I'm sure." I said.

"Okay, just call me or text me if you change your mind."

"Okay."

She sighed, "I love you Tyler."

"I love you too, Jen. More than you know." I flashed my broken smile. She pecked my cheek before leaving the room. When I heard the door shut I looked up at Josh.

"He's never going to wake up."

Yes he will.

"It's been months Tyler, he doesn't want to come back."

Yes he does.

"Why would he? His burdens are here, YOU are here."

"Stop it."

"No one is here to save you anymore. Josh can't protect you from your own head anymore." I grabbed Josh hand.

"Please wake up."

"He never will. Why would he come back to you?"

"Josh."

"He can't hear you. You're an awful friend. You should've saved him. He's dying because of you. This is your fault."

"Please." Tears filled my eyes.

"You're so stupid. The clique hates you now. Debby hates you. Jenna doesn't love you anymore. Ever since you hurt her. You are worthless. She will probably stop trying to help you soon and just let you rot in here." I pressed my hands over my ears.

"Josh please save me." I cried.

"You can't stop me anymore. It's time Tyler, he's not going to wake up."

"Josh please." I hugged him his body and sobbed into his shirt.

"LET GO TYLER. HE'S PRACTICALLY DEAD NOW."

"Save me. Save me. Save me. Save me. One more time. Please Josh, save me." I cried until I couldn't breath. I was laying next to Josh in the bed now. Blurryface had stopped, but the tears hadn't. My eye lids felt heavy from crying so I closed them, I didn't sleep though, I rarely did these days. I felt Josh move his arm. "Josh?" He didn't respond, but I felt it again, his arm moved just a little. "Josh?" He never responded, but his hand weakly grabbed mine. "Can you hear me?" I felt him squeeze his hand for just a second. "I'm so scared Josh. I'm so scared without you. You're my best friend, I can't do it without you." Then for once, I fell asleep, so easily.

***josh pov***

I was laying in bed. I heard the whole thing. I was crying, no, not crying, weeping. I had to listen to my best friend cry for me. For me to save him. I hated having to listen to it, he sounded so scared. I closed my eyes tight and tried to feel him again, I felt his embrace at first. I felt his warmth again, laying next to me. I moved my arm, just enough for him to notice. Then I finally got his hand in mine.

"Can you hear me?" I squeezed my hand as hard as I possibly could. "I'm so scared Josh. I'm so scared without you. You're my best friend, I can't do this without you." Then he stopped. I couldn't feel him anymore, but I heard gentle breathing beside me. I feel asleep easily after that.

***back to Tyler***

I woke up when I heard a knock on the door. "Tyler, can I come in?"

"Yeah." I answered the sweet blonde nurse who came in to check on Josh often, I think she was usually more concerned with me.

"Tyler, would you like something to eat?" She asked the usual question, probably expecting the usual answer.

"Sure." I sat down in one of the chairs.

"O- wait. Did you say sure?"

"Yep." I smiled a little at her.

A huge smile broke out across her face, "Okay, I'll be right back." Before I knew it, she was back with a small tray that had oatmeal, an apple, a glass of water, and a cup of coffee.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." She kept smiling, "If you need me, just yell." She exited the room.

"Cheers to you buddy." I held up the water towards Josh, then started eating my meal.
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~ Peteywentzy