"Concision is style, precision is thought, decision in life." ~Victor Hugo
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Stokeley Goulbourne
Day one of the break..
I walked into class late once again because of the damn traffic and sat in the back of the classroom. I have this class with Jah so I was looking forward to seeing him.
He walked in a few minutes later. He looked a mess. His eyes were bloodshot red from crying, he had purple bags under his eyes. His dreads were hanging freely everywhere.
He honestly looked like shit, my cute little shit.
My heart broke knowing i did this to him.
Last night I flushed all of the coke and weed. I did it with no hesitation. All I could think about was Jahseh.
He sat down on the other side of the classroom in a desk and put his head down.
I can't take this pain. The way my heart misses him. I miss the way he smells, the way he smiles. The way his eyes crease when he laughs. His raspy little voice. And when he would sing to me sometimes.
He turned around to see me looking at him and his eyes teared up, and he quickly turned around.
I can't take this.
Jahseh :
I was up all night crying, I wish I didnt miss him. I wish it didn't hurt. But It did. It does. And I can't help but feel like it's my fault. If I had just paid more attention i would have saw the signs.
Just like if i had paid attention I would have saw my dad was sick. He would still be alive if i got him some help. He would finally be proud of me.
Class went by slowly. I kept my head down the whole time.
The bell rang and I dashed out of the class room.
Right when i turned the corner i ran into someone. I looked up and saw I strongly built nigga, "Oh shit sorry."
"It's all good," he laughed. "Hey can you show me where this class is?" He showed me his schedule.
"Uh yeah, this is chior, i have this class right now." I scanned his schedule. "Oh we have the same schedule."
"Well maybe you could show me to my classes then. This school is way too big," he chuckled as he looked around the hallways.
"Yeah I'll give you a tour at lunch." I chuckled as we started walking to Chior.
I started getting this feeling that someone was watching me. I turned around to see Stokeley watching me while glaring at the boy.
I turned back around and continued walking, "So what's your name?" He asked.
"Jahseh, but you can call me X," i replied.
"Oh your that one kid, xxxtentacion huh?" He smiled.
"Yeah," I chuckled. "What about you, what's your name?"
"Nayvadius."
"Nay what?"
"Just call me Future," he chuckled.
"Like the rapper?"
"I am the rapper," he smiled.
"Word?"
"Yeah, but keep it lowkey, i dont need bitches trynna fuck me in the damn bathroom. "
"I feel you, but instead its boys . I'm gay," i chuckled.
"That's wassup, i have a gay cousin," he gave me a small smile.
Why do people do that? You tell them your gay and the feel like you have to know that their aunts uncles dogs cousins next door neighbors frogs grandpas niece is gay.
What is the point in telling me that?
"Does he go here?"
"Naw, they live in Montana." He answered.
We walked into the chior class and took our spots in our seats.
Stokeley:
I'm currently sitting in a stall, crying my heart out. I just saw Jah walking with some weird nigga I ain't ever seen before.
He was fit, handsome, and I bet he doesn't do drugs.
The stall door swung open to reveal Taymor, Omar, and gazzy.
"You good?" Taymor asked helping me get up.
"No," i cried
"Talk to us," Omar said as he leaned against the stall door.
"He was walking with some kid earlier and he laughed for the first time all day. And it wasnt because of me. And I dont wanna lose him, i love him. " I blew some snot into a tissue that Gazzy gave to me.
"It was the new kid, Nay something. He was walking him to class cause he was lost." Gazzy explained.
"He loves you stokes, you just gotta get your shit together and show him your changing, dont just say it," Taymor informed me.
"How do you know that?"
"Because we were at his house last night while he cried until he fell asleep. All he could talk about is you," Omar sighed. "And he woke up and cried some more at like 2."
"Im so fucking stupid, i dont deserve him. I don't even deserve to live. I just keep fucking shit up and it's not fair to him." I cried.
"Jah loves you. I don't know Why, but he does," Gazzy smiled.
"But he's going to move on to someone who makes him happy and doesn't do shit that scared him in the past." I whined.
"Dude, you know what? I'm not sugar coding shit for you no more. You made a fucking mistake. Naw fuck a mistake. You fucked up majorly. Now grow some fucking balls and own up to that shit and fix it. The sooner you fix it the sooner you get him back. Sitting here crying about it isn't going to fix shit. Jahseh likes niggas that put him in place but also treat him like a queen. Not pussy ass niggas. I understand that your feelings are hurt and your cracked out heart is broken, but your guys' relationship and future is literally in your hands. Get your shit together and fix this. Or god so help you if Jahseh is still crying like he was last night a month from now, your dick is going to be more fucked up then Omars!" Gazzy snapped.
Everyone looked at him, "You got it?" He glared at me.
"Yeah," i nodded my head.
"Now get your pussy ass up and figure something out before I stab your other hand!" He glared at me.
"Calm down, baby," Omar said to him.
"Shut the fuck up. Your stupid ass friend is fucking with my best friend's feelings and Imma beat your ass if you defend him," he glared at Omar.
"He's your friend, too." Taymor laughed.
"Not right now, he's not." He rolled his eyes, "ahora vamos antes de que tengamos detenćion." He walked out of the bathroom.
"He's mad at you. My bad," Omar apologized.
"It's all g-"
"Omar vete a la mierda puta!" Gazzy yelled.
"Ya voy bebé," looked at me, "bye." He walked away.
"As much as I hate to admit it, Gazzy is right, you gotta fix this. Cause Jah is just getting more and more hurt by the hour, " Taymor walked out the bathroom leaving me once again, alone.
