Little Miss Secret

The Apology

Authors Note: First of all, I would like to thank you for all the support on this book <3 It's so overwhelming and amazing! Second of all, I would like to apologize for not updating in a while. I usually work on this book whenever I have free time at school. Since, we were on Christmas break I didn't work on it a ton. I would also like to add that I know this book is a bit all over the place, but i'm pretty new to writing books so please be patient <3 I also have dyslexia which makes my grammar and spelling not the greatest. So, please keep that in mind while you are reading.

Thank you again! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

- Jodi 

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My hands were trembling as I locked up my apartment door for the last time. I had so many memories that had been made in this apartment, but that wasn't the reason why I was upset. I was upset because I was scared of what my life would become. Moving in with your ex isn't the ideal situation. I would have never seen myself moving back in with Seth. Ever. This is for Harper and only Harper. 

"Ready to go?" Seth came behind me. He had Harper on his hip and she had a bag of chips from the vending machine. I bit my tongue so I wouldn't say anything about chips spoiling her dinner. I knew that we were both going to have to adjust to each other's parenting skills and methods. 

"Yes, I'm ready." I sighed. Harper began to whine. It was past her bedtime. 

Once we were in the car and driving she began to calm down and she eventually fell asleep. 

"What's up? You seem kinda down."

"I'm sorry. I'm just a bit overwhelmed with everything happening so quickly. I also hate disappointing my family and like I told you they aren't too happy about me moving back in with you. It's just a lot to take in."

"It's okay...I understand."

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes.

"You're happy though, right? You're happy to be moving in with me so we can be a family? That's what you've always wanted.Right?"

I paused.

"I'm not sure happy is the right word because I'm not necessarily happy, but I'm doing it for Harper and it makes me happy when she's happy." I nodded satisfied with my answer. 

"Oh." He seemed kind of disappointed, but what can he except? I'm moving in with someone who broke my heart. I'm moving in with someone who left me with his daughter to raise on my own. People think I have moved on from Seth, but the truth is it still hurts to even look into his glistening green eyes. It still hurts when he hugs me because it brings up so many memories from our past. I still love him. I'm not in love with him, but I still love him. 

A few minutes passed and we pulled into the driveway of what I would now call my home. The moving truck was in the driveway. There was a few boxes left in the back, but it was late. We could get them tomorrow. I picked up the sleeping Harper from the backseat and held her close to my chest. She snuggled into my neck. Seth carried in a few extra things from the car. 

As soon as we got into the house I laid Harper down for the night. I draped her My Little Pony blanket over her body and went into the kitchen. I opened up the fridge and grabbed a carton of ice cream, plopping on the couch and opening the carton. 

It felt so weird, yet so normal to be back in the house I lived in with Seth for all those years. All our furniture and items that I couldn't take with me to my apartment were here. Paintings, chairs, couches, the dining room table, and so many more things. 

I looked over to the mantle. Lined across it were dozens of pictures of Seth and I and the adventures we had took since we started dating in high school. I got up and went over to take a closer look at them. I traced my fingers over some of them and dust went flying everywhere. 

Seth came in the door carrying a few boxes. He set them on the table. 

"I was going to take them down, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm sorry."

"It's okay." I said weakly, setting down the frame I had been holding in my hand. I sat back down on the couch and switched on the TV, trying to find something to distract me. 

"Violet..." Seth's voice said. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears. I got up and walked towards him.

"What? What's the matter?" I frantically said.

"Yo- you kept all this?" He pointed at a box. I glanced to where his finger was pointing and I saw the box. The box that held all my baby boy's stuff. 

"Of course I kept it...how could I ever get rid of them."

"It's my fault...It's my fault that he's not here." Seth covered his face with his palms.

"Please don't blame yourself seth..please don't." I choked. 

"No,no,no. It's my fault! If I wouldn't have gone out with my friends after the basketball game and gone home with you somebody would have been with you. I could've drove you to the hospital and everything would be okay. We would have a little boy! But my stupid self decided to go with my friends instead of with his girlfriend and son!"

"Seth..the doctor's told me there was nothing we did wrong! It wasn't our fault!" 

"I could've done something...." 

For the first time I saw that this tore Seth up as much as it tore me up, maybe even more than me. I never knew he struggled with it this much. He didn't wear his heart on his sleeve. He usually hid them and I think it's part of the reason our relationship got so bad towards the end. He didn't show his emotions and I was to emotional.

"I'm so sorry Violet. I'm sorry for everything I ever did to you. I'm sorry for leaving you. I'm sorry you had to raise our daughter on your own, I'm sorry I didn't check on you when I was in town. I'm sorry that I blocked you, and I'm so sorry I was such a terrible boyfriend."

"Seth, please don't say that!" I tilted his chin up to look me in the eyes, "Everything I am is because of you. I wouldn't go back and change anything." I hugged him tight. I heard Harper whining and I went into her room. She was sitting in her bed whining.

"Momma, momma," She reached her arms up to me. I picked her up and laid her head on my shoulder. 

"It's okay sweetheart. I'm sorry. Did we wake you up?" She rubbed her eyes and nodded her head ever so slightly. I walked out into the living room and handed Harper off to a now much more calm Seth.

"And even if nothing else came out of this relationship, we got the greatest gift of all right here, and I wouldn't trade that for the world."