I Need You.

Chapter Nineteen.

Lauren. 

In the middle of a conversation with Chris I just feel this great numbness wash over me and the  sudden feeling to just be alone, now I have to let Chris know this without making things too obvious. 

"Chris could you call or text Camila for me, tell her not to bring Harmony tonight, it's getting late and I'm starting to get tired again" I slowly start to put my plan in motion. 

"Yeah sure, don't you want to speak to her though? I'll call her from my phone" Chris offers. 

"No it's okay, you can do it, I will see both her and Harmony tomorrow, you should head home too Chris, you've been here for days, it's almost as if you haven't been home" I chuckle lightly, trying to soften the blow of me kicking him out. 

"I just want to make sure that you're okay sis, and once you are back home then I'll feel okay leaving you be" Chris smiles. 

"You're sweet, and honestly the best brother a girl could ask for, but please go home Chris, spend some time with your wife and kids, I'm not going anywhere, I'm just going to spend the rest of the night sleeping, and I know damn well that chair is not comfortable for sleeping in" I arch my brow. 

"Well I may need to see a chiropractor after today" He grins. 

"Exactly, so head on home Chris" 

"Okay I get it, I can take a hint" He holds up his hands. 

"I'm sorry" I sigh. 

"Don't be, everyone needs to be alone sometimes" He smiles at me while standing up. 

"I'll call Camila and I'll come see you tomorrow little sis" Chris bends and places a kiss on my forehead before waving goodbye and leaving my room. 

It takes less than five seconds for the tears the come streaming down my face, I take a shaky breath as I look down at the bed where my leg is supposed to be, slowly I remove the blanket and stare at the stump of my leg, all bandaged and covered with compression bandages, there's an intense pain in my leg, almost as if staring at it makes the pain ten times worse, like the scar is burning, I grip the bed and let out a loud scream completely angry at the world, angry that this had to happen to me, why me? 

Nurses come rushing into the room, running over to me trying to find out what is wrong, asking me if I'm okay, but the words fail to leave my mouth, can't they already see what is wrong with me? I've lost my leg, I am forever broken and scarred, can't they tell that I am in pain? Is it not obvious? Can they not realise that I've just had half of my leg removed, do they have any idea how much pain this thing is causing me, and yet I smile everyday, to nurses, to doctors, to my family for crying out loud, and yet no one sees through that broken smile the amount of pain I am in, and at this point I don't even know if it is emotional pain or physical. 

"Does your leg hurt?" Finally one of the nurses puts the dots together, maybe it's because I am still staring at my leg, and shouts are still coming from the back of my throat and don't seem to be stopping anytime soon, all I can do is nod in answer to her. 

"Okay, I'll get the doctor" With that she is gone, and I'm left with the other nurse, trying her hardest to calm me down, but I don't think it is going to work, because I can't even hear myself shouting anymore. 

Am I shouting? Or is my mouth just wide open with no noise coming out, staring at my bandaged leg, hoping all of this is just some kind of messed up dream. 

The doctors comes walking briskly into the room and next to my side, his hand resting on mine that is gripping the mattress so tightly that my knuckles are turning white and starting to go numb.