I Need You.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Lauren.

I wake up to a chaste kiss on my forehead from Camila, before she is dashing out of the front door with Harmony and Sofi in tow, I guess Sofi is going to be hanging out around the hospital today, not that I care but it's nice not having to be on my own for two hours waiting for my sister to show up.

I used to never think like that, I was such an independent person and relished being alone, but since the accident I feel completely incapable of doing anything, I pull myself into a sitting position and notice my wheelchair right next to the sofa, at least Camila realised that I would need help getting to the toilet.

I sigh and pull myself into my chair, still way too tired to be lifting my body weight, but I guess this is my life now, atleast until I am able to walk with a metal leg.

I don't know if I can be in this apartment any longer, the more time I spend here the more I can't help but think that I am never going to be the same person that I was, I need to get out, I can't live here anymore.

I wheel myself into the bedroom and pull open the wardrobe door, thankful that all the bags are kept at the bottom of the wardrobe, I pull one out and throw it on the bed, before grabbing a handful of my clothes and throwing them on the bed also, I wheel myself over to my drawers and start throwing underwear, shorts and pyjamas onto the bed, just as I begin folding everything and placing it into the bag, I see Taylor at the corner of my eye.

"What on earth is going on in here?" She asks walking over to stand beside me.

"I can't be in this apartment anymore Tay, I need to get out" I tell her, continuing to place things into the bag.

"Okay well we can go out" She says to me.

"No I mean, I can't live here anymore, every time I enter a different room all I can think about is who I used to be in this apartment, I'm not that person anymore Tay, I can't be here, and I can't be her anymore" I finish packing everything and zip the bag up.

"So what are you planning to do Laur? You've packed your bags, now what? You're just going to walk out of your home? Out on Camila? Harmony?" Taylor asks.

"Maybe that would be best" I say and begin pushing myself out of the bedroom.

"Okay hold up" Taylor grabs hold of my wheelchair and puts the breaks on, stopping me from moving.

"What is going on? What has happened? You and Camila are perfect for eachother, so what happened?" She asks.

"I lost my leg, that's what happened"

"You lost your leg, so fucking what Lauren, at least you didn't die, at least you don't have brain damage or didn't lose both of your legs, at least you're still fucking here, and everyone is here for you, all everyone is trying to do is just help you Lauren"

"That's exactly what I don't want, I don't want people helping me anymore, I don't want to continue being treated like I am some kind of fucking invalid, because that is how I feel, everyone is stepping on fucking eggshells around me, everyone is doing everything for me and I can't take it anymore, do you want to know what happened yesterday Tay? Do you? Because Normani was late and I desparately needed to pee but I ended up falling over and sitting in a pool of my own piss, do you have any idea how degrading it is to have your best friend walk in and find you sitting in your own mess? I can't even pee on my own anymore Taylor, everyone is there holding my hand, and to go from being the most independent person in the world, to have everyone waiting on you hand and foot, believe me Tay it is a huge fucking blow, so yeah I am still here how fantastic, but honestly at this moment in time right now, I think I would rather be dead, nothing is more degrading and heart breaking than not being able to do the simplest of tasks for yourself" At first I was shouting, not being able to hold it all in, but as I got further into my speech, my heart went out the window and it is taking everything inside me not to cry right now.