Mine (Lashton)

Chapter 9 Sweet Release

Ashton

My face turned crimson when I notice his little problem...well not little I mean damn that would hurt.

"Oh" is all that managed to pass my lips. So maybe happened the other day when he rushed out was another...problem. I turned and walked away from him awkwardly.

"Wait Ash?" he called after me. I didn't wait for him. I just went and sat over at the bench. I wanted him to like me, not get horny over me. I wasn't ready to do anything like that yet. He rushed over to me.

"Hey Ash don't worry about anything. It's probably just because of the sudden change in temperature" Luke worryingly tried to convince me. I know that I liked him, but to see him this way just made me feel used.

Who was I kidding? The most anyone could ever have with someone like Luke is a purely sexual one. And I wasn't ready for anything like that. I needed to love someone before I could give myself to them like that and they needed to love me back. Luke could never love, he could only lust after someone. "Whatever you say" I half-smiled at him. Moments ago I was high on life and with the guy that I like. Now I find out he thinks of me sexually without even knowing anything about me. Like I said I feel kind of used.

"Do you want to keep going?" Luke enquired. He poised the camera and pointed it at me. He was trying to suppress a smile but failed epically. I smiled back at him, but felt guilty for liking him. I wasn't going to let this come between school work. I hadn't actually been honest about my guilty pleasure, a small piece of metal suddenly felt hot in my back pocket. I definitely wasn't going to tell Luke about the cutting.

"My name's Ashton Fletcher Irwin...and my guilty pleasure is dance. I love every form of dancing, the way that people express themselves with a few movements of the body. The way they tell a story without words" I explained, it made me feel safe talking about dancing. It was like my own personal safety blanket. It felt like home. I could see Luke smiling from behind the camera.

"What is the type of person you aspire to be?" Luke enquired.

That was a question that could cause a lot of problems. Questions like that lead to wars. Who I aspired to be could be summed up in one word, "Happy. The type of person I want to be is a happy one" I smiled at my self. I don't want to be this shell of a person anymore with everything else scattered. I wanted to be here and happy with everyone around me. My eyes prickled, threatening tears.

"You okay?" Luke enquired. He looked at me nervously, I could break down any second but I won't. Everything just seemed like an awkward situation with Luke. I wanted to tell him stuff but I didn't want to tell him too much.

"Do you have any role models?"

"My mom. My real mom. She was a dancer her whole life. When she died I made it my life's mission to do all the things she never could. She died at nineteen in her first year of dance school" I explained. Tears were running down the structure of my face. All I can say is that we better win tickets to that party.

"I'm so sorry Ash. Maybe we shouldn't go on?" Luke suggested, he had a sympathetic look on his face. This is why I didn't tell anyone about anything personal. People would give me that same look he was giving me. I had a burning desire to cut. I needed to. He reached forward and wiped the tears from my cheek. I bolted quickly, "I need to leave" I choked out.
"ASH!!!" Luke called after me. It was too late though and I was faster than he was. I dashed to the nearest bathroom, looked myself in a cubical and slice open my upper arm.
Sweet release.