His Story

::21::

Unedited-

"A monster that doesn't deserve love. That's what they call me."

A L A Z N E

He wanted me to forget the kiss.

Forget the most amazing, breath-taking, memory we ever had together.

Maybe it was amazing to me but terrible for him.

Was I the worst kisser ever or was it all a mistake.

I didn't know why he wanted me forget it — but it was hard.

It was hard forgetting a memory like this.

A memory that awaken a seal in my heart that was locked.

A memory that I crave more of.

I turn to Roder who just sit there on the swing staring into space without a single emotion on his face.

"Just tell me — is everything alright?" I ask as I rest my hand on his leg.

He tightly grip my hand, staring at me with his dull eyes as his grip tighten around my hand.

"Roder — your hurting me." I softly said and he quickly fling away my hand.

He got up from his seat as he mumble the words, "sorry" to me.

"Roder just tell me so I can fix you —"

"I don't need no one to fix me." He glare at me.

"I'm not a fucking flower depending on your sunlight." He continue on, "I don't crave anyone to fix me. I don't need anyone to fix me. I'm the way I am because of myself, and I'll make it out by myself."

I watch speechlessly as he storm off into the snow and leave me at the park by myself.

"I didn't mean it like that." I whisper under my breath after he left, slowly swinging the swing back and forth as I watch him disappear, guilt and emptiness filling me with every step he took.

He hated me now, didn't he?

R O D E R

I glance around at the familiar buildings, the familiar Christmas decorations in front of the rich, expensive houses.

My eyes suddenly glance up at the blonde hair woman who stood up top of the ladder hanging up Christmas lights while a gray hair man cheered her on saying, "Your doing good sweetie!"

I set up my face in disgust, watching as she turn around and smile at him.

My disgust suddenly disappearing as I realize it was my mom.

Her eyes trail unto as her smile also disappeared and I felt like she was mumbling the words, 'Shit' in her head back and forth.

I walk closer to the house, she clear her throat as she climb down the ladder, fixing her dress as she walk over to me.

"Son," She force a smile, "This is Robert." She introduce the old man to me.

"Hey nice to meet you —" He reach out his hand to shake with mine but I tuck my hands in my pocket avoiding his hand shake.

I nod, "Roder." I respond, leaving in awkward silence as I enter the house.

Both of they gazes piercing through my back.

"I'll go talk to him." My mother told him as she run after me.

"Roder." She call my name, her voice changing from sweet to the sound of death and seriousness.

She grab my shoulder as she aggressively turn me around to face her.

"What's your problem?" She ask, "You just met him and your acting like an ass?" She whisper yell, swinging and moving around her hands as she communicate.

"And your moving on so quickly on dad?"

"I wouldn't have to move on quickly if someone did kill him!"

I scoff, "Yes you would. I heard all the conversations with you on the phone when dad wasn't home."

"You were going to leave him anyway." I continue, "He wasn't making any money and you couldn't stick around for that." I shrug as I lean against the wall, her expression getting tense as I kept on talking.

"But after he died, his business started to bloom because that's when everyone noticed him."

"But no one notice that his son killed him!"

"But everyone notice his own wife was relief when he died."

Her eyes widen is shock as she back away, trying her best to deny what I say but she know it was true.

After not succeeding to deny my statement, she did the fastest thing she could do, her hand connected with my face again and left me with a stinging sensation.

She then yell the words she always do repeatedly, "I'm your mother!"

"Dad was my father too, yet he took the advantage and beat me and look where he is now."