I feel useless when it comes to speaking with others, or speaking in public. You notice and then make me feel even more useless, others mock me and tell me why can't I speak like a normal person. But, I just can't help it. When I speak at home I am ignored so, why speak in other places where my words may not be heard or mistaken for something else. You say I have to learn how to speak by myself without someone being there for me, I can't it comes out as a mere whisper that others can't hear. You can take my things away if you think that might help in any way. It doesn't change the fact when it comes to speaking it isn't my strength. Yes, I can still talk with sign language. Most find it useless and silly for someone with the capability to speak, others at home mock me when I use sign language. You sometime see it sometimes you don't yet, when you see it you do nothing about it. You don't know what I say when I sign, you know some basic things I do but, not when I sign words.
You don't understand. You might say things about me whether I'm smart or not, if i speak or not and the list can continue on... You just don't understand my reasons for how I am, and why I do the things I do. When you want me to speak I panic, a bubble of anxiety fills me and I stumble to speak and the terror of saying the wrong thing fills me to the point where my words are barely audible. I know I shouldn't care what people think and I should just ignore the comments, laughs or stares. But I can't help but shrink to the staring, the whispers, and the laughter.
