It seems that every time I feel like everything is going to be okay and that I could be happy..... Reality seems to crash in and show me that it's not possible whether its arguments, lies or even expectations. It all crashes the happiness I feel and breaks me even more if that's even possible. It brings me down and I can't let it show. Yeah ironic cause I'm writing about it, right? Some of you don't even know me how are even supposed to know the difference on how I am to people and how I am inside... in reality. I just disappoint, I can't let it show, there are still some people I care about enough to not drag them through the mess that I am, even though there are some that do see and know. The mess that can just suck them into my life and destruct part of them.
Plenty, of things are written all through 2, 3 or so years, yet I go through them all and it make it seem like it's been years. Everything seem to take place in a different time but, then I remember when they happened and it wasn't so long ago. Yeah, my life hasn't been the happiest but, it just got worse my mind goes haywire from everything that revolt inside. And I can't say shit through your broken intentions, you I learn my lessons from what happens but, not every lesson is pleasant. I'm so naive sometimes and you don't even let me talk much less finish a sentence, "so, just shut up let me finish a sentence".
Things just seems so difficult, everything spins. I can't get a grip on reality, headaches, eyes hurt, unfocused thoughts... I can't speak my mind, I try and no sound comes out, is a whisper, or ignored. Mom thinks it's a good idea for me to take therapy, I've been in a therapy sessions just not exactly for me. It's easy to trick them so, what is the purpose for it. I'm so tired mentally, physically, and emotionally. Insomnia doesn't help in any case, It just makes it even harder to focus. A feeling of exhaustion crosses my body, creating a headache the more I write but, how can I stop if it's the way I can express myself and create stories for others to enjoy a way to rid my body and mind of everything that goes on in my mind. Writing isn't only a way of release but, something others enjoy or understand. So, even though my mind seems all over the place I will keep on writing.
Distraction, people are almost always distracted. Some do it on purpose others do it unconsciously. Some people who do it on purpose do it to get away. Away from their thoughts and reality. Why? Well, because some have thoughts that they wanna escape, the same goes for reality. They use distractions as a haven and escape from all the things that go on. Thoughts, some are "dark" some are "light" dark thought plague "My" mind. They swirl around gripping the end of my sanity, trying slowly to tear it apart. They grip and pull, causing massive headaches to appear in their wake. Headaches that don't disappear until hours later, so strong that sometimes all you ever wanna do is cry. Frustration hits because you can't do anything to help get rid of it because you, yourself have caused it. People used distractions to avoid all the unnecessary aches and pains they get. People, try and make them go away. Distractions help those in the dark... The ones who fight and try their best to not give in...
