Broken Youth

Chapter 28

~ Chapter Twenty-Eight ~

•Megan•

I dragged my feet, knowing the seat next to me in English wouldn't be the person I wanted it to be. I slammed the door open, Niall and Louis giggling as Jess rolled her eyes in front of me and gave me the 'don't you dare fuck around today' look. I rolled my eyes back, slapping my finished essay down and slumped on my chair. I closed my eyes and thought back to the times when Luke and I would excuse our selves from lessons and sneak into the cleaners cupboard, only to come back with messy hair and shirts untucked. I opened them again, looking beside me at the blank chair. He was gone. Changed classes maybe? Or even hoping I would join him (again) in the cupboard for cleaners and shit. It was tempting until I saw, out of the comer of my eye, a folded piece of paper. Checking Ms Black wasn't looking, I glanced at the paper marked 'Meg'. Luke's straight letters all sat closely together as my vision blurred; it was odd saying I missed the sight of him writing pages of god knows what, a smirk adorning his face, his lip ring between his teeth, as his other hand moved up my thigh. I'd been carrying the note around for ages- since Niall gave it to me- and I'd left it home today. Honestly, Niall really wanted me to read if he'd brought it to school and put it in Luke's place. So I grabbed the paper and opened it, taking a deep breath as I saw the words 'Dear Megan'. This was gonna be a difficult class to concentrate in.

Dear Megan,

If I could hold time for just one second. Just a second of your 'time' so you can read this. I beg of you, that's all I'm asking. I need this 'time' to say things I can't say to your face.

A million miles away, is a Sun. A Sun that relies on energy to survive; something so normal but so strong. Millions of miles away, the Moon is orbiting the Earth, which is orbiting the Sun, and that Moon is relying on gravity to not fall into Earth and destroy it. Millions of miles away, the Earth relies on the heat and light of the Sun to keep its inhabitants from dying. All in all, these things seem so flippant and normal, that we forget about them- like we forget we're breathing or blinking. We stop becoming aware of it, because its natural. And we like that.

I like that.

I like the simplicity of walking out my bedroom door and seeing Calum struggling to wake up in the open-doored room opposite me. I like being able to walk down the hall and tap on Michael's door, waking him up and shoving him out of bed so we can race each other down the stairs to get food. I like chasing Mike into the kitchen to find Ashton cooking away, already wide awake.

I like that.

But I also like not planning my day. I like stumbling out the door behind Calum, half dressed because we suddenly decided we wanted to meet up with Liam and Harry. I like waking up, cuddling Jess close to my body, Niall laughing at the funny videos he has of Jess sleep talking, and then laughing along with him. I like calling Jade up and asking if today is a good day for sad movies, cuddles and deep talks. I like going jogging with Louis and Harry- if I'm up and they haven't already gone.

But.

Everything's changed.

Nothing will ever be the same again, and you know it. We made a mistake we can't just simply forget and move on from. It's something that forever is going to haunt us, but that's the price we paid. If we had thought of the consequences, we wouldn't have done shit, but you know what we're like; spontaneous. I hate that I lied to Harry, to everyone, and I'm sure you feel the same way. So, we need to change this. This stupid fucking mess we've made and clear away the shards of memory we seem to have left behind. We may be the centre of a big joke, a laughing stock- even a few knock knock jokes, but it's still floating about in our atmosphere. There's still that reminder in Harry's head: my girlfriend fucked Luke. There's still that hesitation in your movements with me: what if it happens again? There's still that annoying alarm in my head: don't do anything stupid, dick.