A Lesbian Love Story

14

I opened the front door to see Amber standing there. She covered her mouth and teared up when she looked at me. I grabbed her arm and pulled her inside and closed the door. She was still wearing her pajamas; a white softball t-shirt, navy blue Soffee shorts and white high top converse. I was also wearing my pajamas; gray joggers that were some what baggy, and a white long sleeve USMC shirt.

"Who did you fight?" She asked.

"Fell off my skateboard now lets go." I grabbed her arm and walked upstairs.

"Why did you need me to come over right away? I just woke up." She said. I walked into my bedroom and closed the door. "Jordan what's wrong?" She asked as I locked the door.

"My mom caught me kissing you. I can't hang out with friends for who knows how long. I go from school straight home. I can only see you when I sneak out when my mom is at work or with her boyfriend." I said.

"What happens if you get caught?" She asked.

"I don't care if I get caught I just want to see you." I said.

"Back to why you needed me here right away." She said. I sighed and looked at my window. Amber placed her hands on my shoulder and hip and leaned her chin on my shoulder. "Tell me." She whispered in my ear. "You want sex?" She leaned her head against mine.

"No, not today." I fiddled with my hands. She wrapped her hands around my waist.

"Then what do you want?" Her arms pressed against my sides. I winced. "Did you wanna tell me why all of your ribs are pressing against my arms?" I bit my lip. She let go of me and walked in front of me. She carefully began to lift my shirt up. I tried to stick my stomach out as much as possible. She looked up at me. "Why?"

"Why what?" I pushed my shirt down.

"How much do you weigh?" She was getting angry, but still sad.

"I don't know." I replied.

"When was the last time you weighed yourself?" She swallowed.

"Three days ago..." I said.

"And how much did you weigh?" She put her hands on her hips.

"Uhm...ninety." I looked down and sighed.

"Jordan...that's so unhealthy." She said.

"I'm fucking fine!" I looked up at her and snapped. A year rolled down her cheek.

"You're not fine. What's wrong?" She walked over to my bed and sat down. She looked up at me. I sighed. It was time to tell her the truth. I walked over and sat beside her.

"I'm anorexic, okay? I've been anorexic for three years. I used to be fat until junior high. I started dieting and working out everyday. Then high school...I realized I was still fat. My mom used to make fun of me for being fat and at first she teased me when I starting skipping meals...then she stopped bothering to give me lunch money that I never used and she stopped bothering to offer me food. Cody makes me eat lunch and sometimes dinner. Just enough so I live." Amber sniffled.

"Good for Cody. You need to eat." Amber was crying.

"That's what he tells me everyday. Tess and Carson know too. They try to get me to eat when Cody can't be with me." I looked down.

"I want you to get better." Amber hugged me gently.

"I'm trying to get better." I held her and kissed her on her forehead. We sat there, neither one of us saying a word. I wished we had all the time in the world, but really we only had until my mom came home and would beat me and drive me to slit my wrists again.

"Is that why we haven't had sex in a while? You don't want me to see you?" Amber asked. I nodded.

"Is that the only secret you've been keeping from me?" Amber asked. I couldn't tell her the rest in one night, but lying to her made me feel awful.

"No." I blurted out after a few minutes. I closed my eyes and took a deep breathe. I opened my eyes and looked down. I began to roll up my shirt sleeves. My wrists were wrapped in bandages.

"Jordan...do you..." Amber looked at my bandaged wrists.

"Yes." I looked up at her. "This isn't one of those stupid romance shows where the lover takes their girlfriend's scar covered wrists and kisses them and tells them it'll be better. It's fucking reality, Amber." I realized after I made the statement that I was being too harsh.

"Take the bandages off." Tears rolled down Amber's cheeks.

"Why?" I asked.

"I wanna see how many times you needed me and I wasn't there for you." She looked me in the eyes. I stared back at her for a few moments. I began to unwrap my right wrist. I pulled off the bandages and stared at my scar covered wrist. The scars from last night were deep, but not too deep. I only had to change the bandages twice and I didn't need stitches. Older ones were becoming scabs. Parts of my wrist that were not bleeding had faded scars. I then proceeded to unwrap my left wrists. A very visible scar stretched across my wrist vertically along my vein. Only three cuts that were not very deep were next to it.

"I'm so sorry." Amber said.

"This scar is from a failed suicide attempt two years ago. Most of these scars are from before we met." I ran my middle finger along the scar on my left wrist.

"The new ones are from when?" She asked.

"Yesterday, last week, a month ago, a month and a half ago, two months ago..." I sighed. "I'm a fucking mess." Amber quickly grabbed my chin and pulled me to her. She planted her lips on mine and pulled away.

"If you ever wanna hurt yourself again, you are to call me immediately and I will come over that instant, understand?" She gripped onto my shirt.

"Yes ma'am." I grinned and kissed her on the lips again. She pulled away and I frowned.

"I'm not kidding." She placed her hand on mine and intertwined our fingers.

"I know." I said.

"I care about you Jordan. I fucking love you and never want anything to happen to you, ever." Amber stated.

"I feel the exact same way about you." I leaned in and kissed her on the lips. She didn't pull away that time.

------------------------A/N-------------------------
Oh jesus i reread my previous chapters and i'm gonna need to do a whole shit ton of editing over the summer. I might just finish the book and then edit.