A Lesbian Love Story

31

Amber's POV

"You actually pierced your own ear and your parents never found out?" I asked as I laughed.

"Yep." Cailyn pushed her hair behind her right ear and turned her head to the side to show her pierced ear. She had three lobe piercings and her cartilage pierced, the one she did on her own with a needle. "So what's the craziest thing you have ever done?" She asked as she crossed her legs. She sat in a chair beside the end of my bed.

"I don't know. Last year I forgot to study for a French test so I faked being sick so I could go home and I crammed for it. I ended up getting an 83 but whatever." I said.

"Well that's not that crazy." She said.

"I don't really do anything crazy." I shrugged.

"Alright. So you're almost done with your junior year. Have you decided what you wanna do in life?" She asked.

"Not too sure yet. I have three plans though." I replied.

"What are your plans?" Cailyn asked.

"Being an actress, which I haven't acted since my freshman year, being a model, or being a nurse." I stated.

"Ooof. Two of those are kinda similar, one of them very different." She said.

"Yeah I know." I said.

"Have you looked into any medical schools or art schools yet?" She asked.

"Just a few. NYU, Virginia Tech, UNC, and University of Michigan so far." I said.\

"Wow. And what if you go to one school, choose one major, and then realize you wanna switch to the other and go to a school with a better program?" She asked.

"Thats why I'm only looking at schools that offer both." I said.

She nodded. "Smart."

"Yep." I said.

"I just decided to say fuck it and move out of Maine with my band to hopefully make it big. We moved to New York City for a month, failed, and moved down here. We still haven't made it big. Just small gigs." She explained.

"You just have to be patient and time will tell." I said.

"Yep." She said. Neither of us spoke for a few moments, but it wasn't an awkward silence.

"Wanna play a little game?" I smirked.

"Depends on the game." She replied.

"Truth or truth." I said.

"Alright. You start." She said.

"What was the worst thing you've ever done? Like maybe something illegal?" I asked.

"Heroin. Once." She said.

"Why?" I asked.

"You'll have to ask me another question for me to answer that." She smirked.

"Fine." I said.

"Have you ever lied to someone you love in a good way?" She asked.

"I told my cousin I liked black veil brides because I knew Jordan did. She ended up telling Jordan I liked them, and Jordan asked me. I tried listening to one of their songs but holy shit I can't stand heavy metal." I cringed.

"Wow. That's kinda cute actually." Cailyn said.

"Why did you do heroin?" I asked.

"My boyfriend wanted me to do it with him." She said.

"Oh come on you made me wait for that?" I groaned.

"Yep. Have you ever done anything illegal other than under age drinking?" She asked.

"Never." I said.

"Lame!" She said.

"Oh shut up I'm a good person." I said. "What's your biggest fear?"

"Being alone." She stated.

"Wow." I said.

"Does that surprise you?" She asked.

"Yeah, actually." I said.

"Whats your biggest regret?" She asked. I thought about it.

"Trying hard to get back together with my ex boyfriend while dating Jordan." I sighed.

"When?" She asked.

"Two weeks ago. He started talking to me in history. We started texting again and I realized I liked him so I kept trying to get with him, and I did. Worst night of my life. Then he was asking me about Jordan and then I wasn't saying much and when she left he kept asking me questions and I ended up telling him she was anorexic a few days later." I explained.

"Who's your ex?" She asked.

"This guy Eric Faulkner." I said.

"Faulkner. He have a brother?" She asked.

"Yeah...Louis, why?" She looked at me with wide eyes.

"Jordan told me that Louis Faulkner was the one trying to trigger her." She said. My heart sank. I'm gonna be the reason why Jordan dies. By me telling Eric she was anorexic, he told Louis to try to get Jordan to starve herself to death probably so Eric could have me all to himself. I fucked up big time.

"I really, really fucked up." I spoke with tears in my eyes.

"Amber relax." Cailyn said.

"I can't because it's all on me when Jordan starves herself to death because of what Louis Faulkner said to her!" I shouted as I scrambled to get my IV out of my arm. Cailyn got up as I was undoing the tape. She grabbed my arms and slammed them against my pillow.

"Stop. Talk to me. Get everything out. Everything you regret telling Eric. Everything you regret telling Jordan. Everything you regret saying or thinking or doing. Just speak. Don't do anything but speak." She spoke calmly, reassuringly.

"I told Eric she was anorexic and her mom beats her. Not that she cuts though. I told Jordan I ate dinner tonight, but I didn't. I was thinking that I wanted to be thinner. I do wanna be thinner. Not as thin as Jordan...but just thinner. Lately I've been fascinated by things Jordan does. How she cuts herself and starves herself. It kinda makes me want to do it too." I said.

"You don't want to cut or starve yourself. It's the worst goddamn thing anyone could do to themselves. It doesn't do shit." She said.

"How would you know?" I snipped.

"I used to cut myself. I didn't starve myself but I would purge after almost every meal." She said.

"Why do people think it's a good thing to cut themselves?" I asked.

"It's different for people. Some of us use it as a way to punish ourselves for mistakes, others use it to see their emotional pain be physical. There's other ways but Jordan does it for both the reasons I just said. I did it to punish myself for binging. I always limited myself to 900 calories a day. Every 50 calories more, I would cut. But say I had 901-949 calories, I would cut. After 950 calories, I would cut even if I didn't have 50 calories more." She explained. She was still pinning my arms against my pillow and standing over me.

"I can see what Jordan sees in you."