A Lesbian Love Story

18

My eyes darted from one place to another. My heart was beating out of my chest. Beads of sweat were forming on my forehead. I ripped the blanket and sheet off of me and turned over my pillow. I could not sleep for the life of me. I had too much on my mind. Cailyn was not back from the store yet, leaving me alone with my thoughts, a dangerous thing. Despite being far from my mother, I didn't feel safe. I didn't feel any better. Then I heard a car door shut and keys jingling. The door opened moments later. Cailyn walked in with a few grocery bags. She closed the door behind her.

"Sorry did I wake you?" She asked as she set the bags down on the desk.

"No. I can't sleep." I said as she began to put some groceries in the fridge.

"What's on your mind?" Cailyn asked.

"I feel like Angela is gonna find me somehow." She didn't deserve to be called my mother.

"You'll be safe." She said as she placed more food items on top of the fridge.

"How can you be sure of that? What if she threatens Zac and makes him find out where I am and she comes here and kills me?" I fretted. She stopped what she was doing and turned to me.

"She'll have to get through me before she lays a finger on you." Cailyn stood up and walked over to her luggage. She opened one of her suitcases and grabbed a pair of black sweatpants and a white tee shirt. She walked into the bathroom and shut the door behind her. I was so done worrying about my mother, but I couldn't help myself to worry about what she'd do to me. I got up and walked over to the fridge. I looked through the groceries Cailyn had bought. Nothing healthy. Just chips, cookies, crackers, cereal, and ramen. I grabbed the box of ritz and tore it open. I grabbed a sleeve of ritz and walked back to my bed and climbed in. I sighed as Cailyn walked out of the bathroom in her pajamas.

"You didn't get any fruit or vegetables." I said.

"We can go back tomorrow. I forgot to get bowls, plates, and silver wear. The paper and plastic kind." Cailyn added.

"Paper is so frail. Plastic is so fragile. What's the point in buying it?" I snapped.

"We're broke and can't afford anything better and we can't get anything nicer. It's paper and plastic!" She said.

"It's frail and fragile!" I shouted.

"You're frail and fragile!" She snapped. I stared at her. She wasn't wrong.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I barked as I tore open the sleeve of ritz.

"You're a fucking twig, Jordan!" She insulted as I picked up a cracker and bit into it. It was the first thing I'd eaten all day.

"Leave me alone." I pulled my knees up to my chest. Cailyn sat down on the end of my bed. I took another bite out of the cracker.

"Are you bulimic or something?" She asked.

"Anorexic." I spoke with confidence before I ate the rest of the cracker. She sighed, stood up, walked over, and laid down beside me.

"Talk to me." Cailyn said.

"You won't understand." Cailyn scoffed.

"I won't understand? I was bulimic for five years. I've been recovered for over a year now. I was in the hospital for a month fighting for my life because of a fucking disease I had that controlled my everyday actions for five years. My heart almost failed three times and my kidneys and liver almost went four times. Bulimia almost killed me but here I am. I recovered, for the most part." Cailyn explained. I sighed.

"For the most part?" I asked. She sighed.

"I still have the thoughts in the back of my mind, but I know how to avoid fucking up again.

"I was always chubby. Kids used to tease me for it. It started back in freshman year. I reached my heaviest, one hundred and thirty eight pounds. My mom even made fun of me for being fat. I decided to lose weight. My goal was one hundred and fifteen. I began working out a lot and eating healthier. It was effective. Once I reached my goal, I realized I could do better. I lost more weight and hit one hundred and ten. Didn't lose or gain any weight for a year. By junior year, Everything went downhill. I stopped working out and eating healthy. I reached one hundred and twenty five. Then I knew I had to get my shit together. I had to be skinny, I was prettier skinny. I got down to one hundred and fifteen and lost it. I kept trying to get skinnier. For months I bounced from ninety eight to one hundred and fifteen pounds." I explained.

"How much do you weigh now?" She asked.

"Ninety one." I sighed. She took my hand and looked me in the eyes.

"Recovery is hard. You're going to relapse, you're going to get better. I believe in you." Cailyn smiled a bit.

"I know." I said. Then she did something I didn't expect and I wasn't prepared for. She leaned in and she kissed me. On my lips. And I enjoyed it. She placed a hand on my neck and kissed me more, before pulling away and letting go. She stood up.

"Fuck. I'm sorry. I suck at having boundaries. You have a girlfriend." Cailyn said.

"No. It's fine. She won't know. Please?" I pleaded. She sat back down. She kissed me again on my lips and moved her kisses to my cheek and down to my neck. I wanted Cailyn more than anything in my life. Maybe even more than Amber.

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😏 y'all like that ending u better bc it's 3:40 AM, i have to be at work in 8 hours and 20 minutes and i can't write anymore for today. I'm doing a Q&A so questions in the comments will be answered next chapter, which based on my rlly busy work schedule this week (Monday & Wednesday 12-8, Friday 12-8:30) Idk when i'll write it. Sorry if it comes out over the weekend!