𝟓𝐬𝐨𝐬 𝐁𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐕𝐨𝐥.𝟏

'More' by 5sos (Ashton Irwin Angst) (The Youngblood Series)

Summary: After one year and a half, Ashton and (Y/N) decide they need a break. 
(Words: 1.1k) (Part 1: Talk Fast, Part 3: Meet You There)
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One and a half years. That's how long it lasted.
I know I said I didn't care how long it would last, that I wanted all of her for as long as it could go. But one and a half years is barely enough.
"Are you even listening to me?" Her screams snap me out of my thoughts. My jaw is tensed up and my fists are balled up, nails digging in my palm as I try hard to hold back.
"I would if you made any sense." I snap back; (Y/N) rubs a hand over her face.
"If I made sense... If I made sense to you, huh? Does the fact that you don't have time for me make sense to you? Does the fact that we haven't gone on a date, just the 2 of us, in 2 months make sense to you? Does the fact that you've been distant from me make sense to you?" She screams.
"I am working." I protest.

"Really? Cause I am sitting around the house all day..." She rolls her eyes at me.
"That's not what I said. You are always twisting my words." I groan.
"Always? Always? Really? Wow..."
"I didn't mean that."
"Yeah, I know. I twisted your words again." She chuckles and turns away.
"What the fuck do you want (Y/N)? Why are you acting like this?"
"Because I am in a relationship in which the other person is not in it anymore. I am not the one who wanted all of this. I never wanted the house, I never wanted the dreams, the future. I never wanted to get too attached to you. I knew we would end up like this." She snaps. I look at her in complete shock, my mouth hanging agape as she takes deep breaths to calm down.
"You don't love me? Are you in this because I wanted to?" I ask her, stuttering as the words that leave my mouth are teasing my brain.
"I love you. I always did, that's why I didn't want a relationship. That's why I only asked for one night and nothing more. And now we are in this. Stuck in a relationship that is not working for either of us." She sighs, closing her eyes as the phrase leaves her lips.
I look at her, simply observing her as she tries to just catch a breath.
When did things change between us? How neither of us noticed?

"I am tired, Ash..." She sighs, picking up her pillow and trying to move out of the room.
"Stay, sleep in here. I'll sleep on the couch and we can talk about this in the morning, ok?" I suggest and her head drops, her eyes falling to her feet.
"Ash, I don't think there is anything to talk about." She whispers, not daring to look at me.
I take her hand and guide us to sit on the bed, kneeling down in front of her as she refuses to look at me.
"I love you." I state and she smiles at me weakly.
"I love you too. That's why it is better if we just... let go." She says, tilting her head to the side.
"I don't want to let go. We can make this work. I promise to make time for you. I promise we can work this out. I promise." I gulp the lump in my throat.
"Baby, we can't work this out. Not now, not with all our personal problems going on. We need to let go, it's best for both of us." She explains, stroking my cheek.
"It can't be the best... Me being away from you... It can't be the best." I almost plead.
"Ash, baby... Look at us... You are home, I am home, and we haven't been alone in a while. We are surrounded by people all the time because we are afraid to face our demons. And we are afraid to burden one another with our demons. Let's just, let go of this. Work on our problems... And if we are meant to... If you and I have it written on our stars to be together, we will find each other again, and pick it up where we left off... But for now, the best for us, for you and I, is to break up." She says; her voice is very calm and almost soothing. I feel my eyes water, finally realizing what she is saying. It hurts me, knowing that I can't do anything to make this work. It hurts me that she is right.
I stay silent, words refusing to form in my head. I can't deny she is right. But I don't want to lose her.

"I love you, with all my heart and soul. And that's why I need to set you free. I have my issues and you have your issues and if we want to be together and if we want this relationship to really work, we need to be brave enough to face our problems." She says after a moment, pulling my chin up to make me look at her.
"I don't know what to say... You are right, I am not denying that. I just, I don't know how to respond to that. I don't know what you want to hear from me." I say, shrugging my shoulders.
"It's ok. You don't have to say anything." She smiles at me but I can see that this is hurting her as well.
"I can't believe that this fight won't result in sex." I chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. I hear her giggle a little, before she sniffles.
"Yeah, it sucks." She replies.
"I'll call Calum to come pick me up, so it won't be awkward in the morning." I state, feeling my eyes sting with more tears at the realization that I will not wake up on the same bed as her anymore.
"This is your house, I am the one that should go. I'll call (Y/B/F/N) to pick me up and I will text you before I come to pick up my stuff, ok?" She suggests.
"No, no. I don't want you to be in much of a bother. I'll stay at Calum's for a couple of days, so you can have enough time to... pack up." I insist, the last part coming out choked.
"Are you sure about that?" She asks.
"Yeah, yeah. Don't worry." I say. I don't dare look at her, knowing that if my eyes fall on her, on her figure and her face, hurt from the recent events, I will back out and beg for one more chance.
"Thank you. I will be out of the house by tomorrow night, I promise." She says; all I can do is nod.
"I love you." I let out, raising my gaze to meet hers. We still hold hands, from the moment we sat on the bed like we knew we would need each other's comfort.
"I love you too." She replies.

And I know she means it.

And that hurts the most.

One and a half years. That's how long we lasted.