Troublemaker

Insecure

AMANDA POV

"Do you think I'll ever be a good kid?" I ask Maddie

"You are a good kid, you have a good heart" Maddie tells me

"But I'm always getting into trouble" I frown

"You're a 16 almost 17 year old girl you're going to get yourself in trouble" Maddie states

"Yeah but not as much as I do" I sigh

"There's kids who get in a lot more trouble then you do" Maddie tells me

"Honestly mad, I just feel like a fuck up" I confess

"Amanda Nicole Lovato you are not a fuck up" Maddie says "you're gorgeous and perfect exactly as you are"

"Yeah okay" I say

"I mean it Amanda" Maddie says

"I want to believe you I really do" I say

"Maddie's lying"

"You are a fuck up"

"Go cut yourself"

"No one wants you here"

"Ugly"

"Fat"

"Worthless"

Tears start falling down my face as my demons attack.

"Maddie get Demi now" I say

Maddie runs out of the room so fast and before I get a chance to think Demi's by my side.

"Mommy help" I cry

"Amanda look at me" Demi says

I look at Demi with my tear stained eyes.

"You are a beautiful young lady Amanda and we all love you exactly as you are. Whatever the demons are saying is wrong. Your weight is fine, we love you to death and couldn't bear to lose you baby girl" Demi says

It's like she knows exactly what my demons are chanting in my head.

"How do you know what they're saying?" I cry

"I've been in the same position kiddo" Demi says

"They won't shut up" I cry

Demi picks me up and carries me to the music room. She sits me on a stool then sits down at the piano. She gives her skyscraper speech then plays it. More tears are falling from my face then she has to go and do the same with warrior. She knows I get emotional with those songs.

"All the tears out?" Demi asks

I nod my head and she pulls me into a hug.

"I knew it would work" she says

"You're logic never makes sense" I state

"It doesn't have to" Demi laughs

"I'm gonna go check on Tristan" I announce

I walk in his room right as he starts crying. He stops when he sees me so I pick him up and cuddle him. I love being an older sister more then anything in the world. Tristan looks up at me and gives me the biggest smile.

I take Tristan downstairs and grab him a bottle.

"Gimme my baby" Demi demands

I pout, but still give Tristan to Demi. He makes a stink face and reaches back to me so I bust out laughing.

"Tristan let mommy hold you" I say

He stops flailing his arms and let's Demi cuddle him. He's got quite the personality... Anyway since Demi's got him I go outside. I watch all the cars go by and this really hot guy runs by. I'll have to start coming outside more often. As I watch the guy run I get a text.

Beaaa: Come overr and bring Maddie

Amanda: can't sorry I'm grounded from friends for a month

Beaaa: dang it

Amanda: yeah :(

I go back inside and sit on the couch, Demi comes in and sits next to me. I grab the remote and put mtv on. Turns out Demi's stay strong documentary is playing.

"I'm so proud of you and how far you've come" I tell Demi

"Thanks so much baby girl" Demi says

As Demi and I watch her documentary I start crying, It just makes me so emotional. Like I cry because I'm so proud of her but I get upset because of what she went through.

"Amanda honey don't cry" Demi says

"I always get emotional when I watch this" I choke out

Demi pulls me into a hug and rubs my back. She had brought Tristan upstairs for a nap so we don't have to worry about him crying right now.

"Mommy when's mar coming home?" I ask

"Soon" Demi smiles

Marissa went to visit her family down in Texas, since Demi has been busy we stayed here. Stay Strong ended so Demi and I go upstairs and lay down. We're both pretty tired.

MADISON POV

I keep putting on a brave and happy front for Demi and Amanda but in reality I'm breaking. Girls from school continue to bully me. It's not just at school anymore, it's become cyber bullying too.

The worst part has to be it's become physical. At school I'm punched and kicked, slammed against lockers, pushed down... I don't leave my room now but even there I don't feel safe. Besides the cyber bullying I feel like a danger to myself.

My demons are always around, especially at my most vulnerable times. More often then not I find myself holding a blade, trying to stop myself from self harming. Nobody else knows this and I'd like to keep it that way. Don't get me wrong, I want to recover. Its just that I'm afraid to ask for help.

Demi and Amanda think I've been doing great. At the moment I feel particularly low and I need to be around someone to help me get the demons away. I run Demi's room to see here and Amanda asleep on the bed.

Me being me, I climb up there too. There's enough room for me on one side of Demi so now she's in the middle. It's like her subconscious knows I'm here because she takes her arm and wraps it around me.

Before I know it I'm asleep and actually feel at peace, well for now anyway,