Guardian of the Proxy (Ben Drowned story)

Chapter 49

I left her things in her room intact because it feels like she's actually home. She had the clothes she was going to wear the next day on her bed. When I first got to her room, I began smelling her clothes. It smelled like her. I wanted to keep that smell forever, so I put her clothes in Ziplocs so I could open a small hole and smell in anytime, though I didn't do it much so it wouldn't lose her smell. Sometimes when I felt lonely I went and hang around in her room, obviously not moving anything. I was in the corner of the room and imagined what it would've been like if she was here with me. "Ben? I know you're there—" I heard Gretchen say from the other side of the door. Why can't they just let me grieve in peace?

I stood there, in the corner, not saying anything. "You need to come out. The funeral is about to start." she said. I stood up from the floor and opened the door, my eyes were puffy from all the crying. I still haven't seen her body, all dressed up, with makeup on and her hair nicely done. Apparently, Gretchen and Skyleigh did her makeover. I was dressed "nicely", if that's what you want to hear. I had a tuxedo Gretchen made me wear.

She gave me a hug. "I know it's hard. But, we have to go—"

Before I could've protest, she pulled my arm out of the room and out of the house. The funeral was outside the mansion, right at the back, where we had Sky's tombstone when we thought she was dead. I sat at the front row, with Gretchen by my side. Slender began to give a speech about Elise, her friends, family and ours; although we were her second family. But I wasn't really concentrating on what Slender was saying, I was looking at a fixed point on the floor, a leaf to be exact, that determined we were close to spring. I was paralyzed because of the sadness. If it weren't for Gretchen, I wouldn't be standing where I was at that moment. I felt her close to me, yet, I couldn't bring myself to look at her. Not like that. I was at least three feet away from her, Slender in front of her coffin. It took Slender awhile, but he was finally done with his speech. I didn't realize it was over when I saw people standing up and some even crying. I was practically out of tears, but I still shedded some.

"Come on, Ben," everyone would tell me, "you have to say goodbye."

"Please, don't. I don't want to— I can't see her like this," I would respond to them.

Jeff was in the ceremony, he was a little screwed up because of the severe injuries, but he was present no matter what. I was gripping the compromise ring I gave Elise before the war. Gretchen had found it and gave it to me last night while I was having a mental breakdown. How could she be gone so soon? I was just talking to her yesterday.... We had so many plans for our future.....

When the funeral was over, Helen walked up to me and asked why I haven't seen her. I began to cry. "I can't—"

"You have to," he placed his hand over my shoulder and pushed me closer to the coffin. I couldn't stand straight because I was trembling so hard, I thought I was about to fall down. I haven't eaten anything but once again, I'm a wraith, I could live without food, but I still got used to eating. A lot. "You know what? Stay here. I will get everyone inside so you could be alone with her, okay?"

I noticed everyone began to lower their voices and went inside the mansion.

"Now, it's just you and me," I whispered to my fiancé, who could've been my wife. I stood there, staring at her while crying. After staring at her, I gave her a kiss on her forehead and caressed her hand. She was so beautiful. She had a blue dress on with black dots covering it. This was her favorite color. She had a nice makeover and her hair was done spectacularly in a fancy bun. She didn't have her glasses on, but they were next to her. I noticed she had on a necklace I gave to her a couple of months ago. She looked so comfortable and calm, laying on the coffin, that I felt the need to jump in with her and lay next to her. To place my arm around her shoulder and close the cover of the coffin, stay there and tell her, "Let's go."

But I didn't. And I was disappointed.

I took out the wedding ring I gave to her and put it in her index finger. "I love you, Elise Davis. I'm sorry I was weak and couldn't save you. I will always remember you. Even if I "can't die" again, I promise you will always have a special place in my heart. I hope you watch over me and my stupidities and laugh. All I will do, will be because of you. You changed me in any possible way. And for that I thank you. Goodbye."

I went inside as Gretchen, Jeff and Sky went outside to finally say goodbye to her. The next day, she was going to be buried next to where Sky's tombstone was. "It's alright, buddy. You said goodbye to her," said Helen while patting my back. I nodded my head softly.

But I knew deep inside me that wasn't enough. I wanted to wake up next to her, say "good morning" and "goodnight" to her, kiss her, talk to her, laugh, cry with her, cook with her. And, oh my gosh, support her in her dream to become a professional pianist. I didn't do that while she was alive. I was so stupid and didn't support her. Inspired by her enthusiasm on music, I even ordered an acoustic guitar online, which will arrive next week hopefully. Of course I'll be a mess, but I wanna do it because of her. I want to compose music in honor of her.