Lockjaw (Joshler)

13. Anniversary I

***Trigger warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts and attempts, mentions of bullying, and mentions of self harm.***

Start the song. It's Needles by The Pack A.D.

It shouldn't have surprised Tyler that his first client of the day was Abbie. According to the news, it was the anniversary of the Birchwood Fire-Joshua's fire. It was officially the eighth anniversary, but it seemed to still feel like the first to Abbie. She'd brought her own sketchbook in today, opting for working on her current drawing instead of talking. Tyler didn't push her. He just watched her recreate the mugshot he'd seen on the news the night before. She'd captured her big brother perfectly, not a single freckle left unaccounted for.

"He's still on suicide watch," Abbie said quietly after a few beats of silence.

She wasn't wearing makeup today. Tyler had never seen her without the space around her eyes having been blacked out. She looked younger without it, more vulnerable.

"My mom says they probably won't let him off until after today. This is usually the day when he starts suicide watch. He's always suicidal around the anniversary. Last year, they had to restrain him for six hours on the anniversary because he kept finding ways to hurt himself. Mom had to go talk to him. She cried when she came home," Abbie continued, shading in the bags beneath her brother's eyes.

"How does the anniversary make you feel?" Tyler asked carefully, handing Abbie a tissue from the coffee table sitting between them when she sniffled quietly.

Abbie took the tissue without looking at Tyler, wiping at her eyes before setting the crumpled tissue on top of the coffee table and returning to her work. "I usually get sick on the anniversary. I worry so much about him that I always wind up throwing up or something."

She switched her pencil out with another from the case she'd brought with her. It had thinner lead than the other.

"People always give me shit at school. If Josh gets even half as much shit as me and Jordan do on the anniversary, I'm not surprised he winds up on suicide watch. Last year, someone lit Jordan's backpack on fire in the school hallway. He got it off and put the fire out before he could get hurt, but he didn't come out of his room for two days after," she confided tentatively. "I think that's why he hates Josh. People torture him since they can't do that stuff to Josh. They look a lot alike too, so people tend to think he's Josh in public."

A knot was forming in Tyler's stomach as he remembered just how much malice Jordan had shown for his brother the day before. Of course he didn't miss Josh or feel empathy for him. He had become the target for people's anger against Josh. He was enduring some of the same misery his brother was despite never having been the one to light a match.

"Have you told your principal or a teacher or anyone at school about the bullying?" Tyler asked hopefully.

Abbie shrugged. "No one cares, and even if they did, they can't stop anything. I just have to survive today. It's like that every year. I have to survive the anniversary and the shit I'll get at school, and then I can go home. Jordan's staying home today. Mom couldn't get him out of bed. I think he's too afraid. I have to go to school though. As soon as this session is over, my mom is dropping me off at school."

"Do you want to come up with a safety plan to help you cope with negative attention once you get to school today?" Tyler suggested. "Maybe just some buzzwords you can use to get out of a situation?"

Abbie was quiet for a moment, her pencil hovering over the pad in front of her for a moment before she looked up at Tyler. "The day Josh burned that building down, he got into a fight at school. He never told us about it, but the school told my mom during the trial and stuff. He didn't get in trouble because apparently the kid he fought had been saying shitty things to him, so the teacher considered it self defence when Josh just turned around and starting punching the hell out of him."