Lockjaw (Joshler)

21. Punch

***Trigger warnings for violence, mentions of violence, mentions of attempted rape, a description of suicide by slit wrists (memory), suicidal thoughts, thoughts of past suicide attempts, PTSD, panic attacks, and mentions of pedophilia.***

Start the song. It's I Know It's Over by The Smiths.

It was hard for the prison to decide on the best approach to take when punishing Josh. How could anyone possibly punish him when he already lived in solitary, rarely got visitors, didn't speak to anyone, and was on suicide watch. Apparently, the best thing they could think to do was send Debby in to see him and evaluate his mental health, which Josh didn't point out to them was already a rather common aspect of his existence. He mostly didn't point it out because it was turning out to be a pretty effective punishment.

Debby still seemed to be struggling to process the meaning behind her own words as she sat in front of Josh and asked, "You harmed another inmate?"

Josh was sitting cross-legged on his bed, holding a lumpy pillow in his lap that had plenty of loose threads for him to tug at as he nodded and avoided eye contact. Despite knowing the man with the blue eyes deserved to have a broken nose, Josh felt sick with guilt and anxiety now. He was shaking, and he didn't know what he could possibly do to make things right again. He hadn't hurt anyone in the entire eight years he'd been here, and now he'd fucked that up. He'd never get out of here. He'd be locked up in here for the rest of his life.

"Josh, can you look at me?" Debby asked quietly, sounding like she was trying very hard to suppress her concern. When he shook his head, she cleared her throat. "Can you tell me why you did it?"

Josh wanted to throw up. He was going to have to talk about before. He was going to have to tell her his history with that man, why that man had known exactly what to say to make him snap. A hand touched Josh's when he began to tremble, but he flinched away from it. Debby seemed surprised by that too, retracting her hand immediately.

"Josh, can you tell me how you're feeling right now?" Debby prompted, sounding like she was talking to a little child.

Josh squeezed his eyes shut, opening them again immediately when blue eyes stared right back at him from behind his eyelids. "N-n-no," he whispered, his fingernails digging into his arm to quiet the part of his mind that was spitting out horrible memories of broken bones, ripped clothes, shouting, and blue eyes.

"Is Officer Hoppus on duty right now?" Debby asked the guard at the door, who shook his head.

"Just left," he replied.

Debby nodded before looking back to Josh. "Okay, Josh. Here's what I'm thinking. You have no previous record of violence, you've never even fought back when being attacked, and I think it's pretty obvious that you're feeling guilty about what happened. I don't think you need to be punished further. What I do think is that there's more to this than you're telling me. Is there a reason you hit this man in particular?"

Her concern seemed to only intensify when Josh began to tremble even harder, pulling the pillow up to press it over his face to hide the tears forming in his eyes. He heard her say his name worriedly, but he was barely keeping it together right now. He couldn't tell her anything. He couldn't just-

"Is that the inmate he hit on that file there?" The guard asked interestedly.

"Yes," Debby replied quietly. "Do they have any kind of history?"

The guard let out a low whistle. "Oh boy. That's the guy who landed Dun in solitary. Beat the shit out of him, tried to rape him too. Hoppus had to drag that guy off of him. Dun would probably be dead if Hoppus hadn't gotten there when he did. That was...what? Two years ago? Shit. I didn't know it was that fucker. Yeah, I'd probably have hit him too. He's a pedophile. Came after Dun because he'd just turned eighteen and been transferred. Lots of people lost their jobs over that. Rightfully so. Who the hell locks a kid into a room with a pedophile? It's about time Dun got a punch in."